With Contributions from Alyssia Daniel

I founded Parent-Child-Connect with the idea of meeting parents, teachers, mentors, and caregivers where they are to provide them the resources they need to connect with their children and create teachable and memorable moments. Ultimately, this platform is about helping influential people (that’s all of us) develop the next generation of impactful leaders. Along my journey, I love asking parents, “How’s it going?” One parent recently responded, “Where do I start?” 

I’ve heard that question many times. It’s usually a rhetorical and slightly cynical way to describe several recent stories from their home that they’d categorize as hilarious, frustrating, disappointing, scary, heartwarming, or annoying. This particular parent, though, wasn’t just being rhetorical; she was asking a genuine question: Where do I start? 

That question has stayed with me, because it’s what so many parents wonder but rarely say aloud. I could see the concern in her expression, so I decided to offer her a few tips I’ve learned through my research and experience. I directed her to my parenting articles and recommended two books: Hold on to Your Kids and 13 Things Mentally Strong Parents Don’t Do. My intellectual curiosity wouldn’t let me stop there, so I decided to ask one of the greatest parents I know, my oldest sister, Alyssia Daniel. 

Like many great parents I’ve interviewed, who are focused on doing their best, she initially said she didn’t believe she had much to offer. Then, she proceeded to educate me in such an influential and impactful way that I knew I had to share this with the world. 

Let’s answer the overwhelming question asked by many parents who want to mentor and guide their children intentionally: 

Where do I start?

1. Start With a United Front

“Make sure both parties, mom and dad, have an understanding of how they want their children to be raised. That’s crucial!”

Although my website is called “Parent-Child-Connect,” please note that I often address my material to “parents, teachers, mentors, and caregivers.” Why? Because our children are being raised and influenced by a community. Regardless of our official title, most, if not all of us, fall into one or more of those categories, meaning you have a part to play in every child’s life that’s connected to you. That community begins at home. 

Before you get into the details of parenting techniques, align on core values, beliefs, and goals. I’ll hinge on this point the longest because it’s the foundation upon which the others are built, and mixed messages between parents create confusion for children. A united front doesn’t mean you’ll agree on every detail, but it does mean you agree on the big picture. Talk about this from the time you start discussing children and beyond. It’s a continuous, intentional conversation where you refine your values, beliefs, and goals. 

For single parents, consider the adults your child interacts with most often. Those adults could be grandparents, teachers, coaches, church members, barbers, or hairdressers, etc. Do you discuss your values, beliefs, and goals with those individuals? I encourage all parents to consider who has regular access to our children and begin aligning on these essential topics or searching for people who share their values. 

“Those conversations are too deep.”

I get it: walking up and asking someone, “What are your values, beliefs, and goals,” can feel heavy, confrontational, or “too deep,” especially if the person you’re asking isn’t a spouse, partner, or significant other. Here are ways you can weave them into everyday life:  

• Use Stories as Springboards: While discussing a movie, book, or current event, ask: “Why do you think [he or she] did that? Do you agree?” What would you have done?”
• Share Your Own Reflection: Be vulnerable instead of starting with a question: “You know, I used to think that was important, but now I’m more focused on [fill in the blank].” “What about you?  
• Use “Would You Rather” Scenarios: Some people–like me–love hypothetical conversations! You could ask something like: “Would you rather have a job you love that pays less, or a job you don’t like that pays a lot?” “Would you rather always be honest, even if it hurts feelings, or stay quiet to keep the peace?”
• Invite Them Into Planning: Let’s be honest, some of us are more dominant when it comes to making decisions with our children. Whether it’s because you are or were a single parent, or that’s just your personality, ask for your community’s input: “I’m considering enrolling [insert child’s name] in a private school. What do you think about that?” What are the pros and cons from your experience? 

These are just examples to get you started; however, the most critical thing is alignment.

2. Introduce Arts and Literacy Early

Alyssia read to her children and played classical music for them from the womb. She noticed how it calmed them, even years later. Her assertion is backed by science:

• An article published in Psychological Science in 2003 found that fetuses recognize their mother’s voice in utero and respond differently to it than to a stranger’s voice.
• An article published in PLOS One in 2013 concluded that babies exposed to a specific melody in the last trimester showed stronger brain responses to that melody both immediately after birth and four months later.
• An article published in Infant Behavior and Development in 1986 concluded that newborns preferred a story their mothers read aloud repeatedly during pregnancy, showing memory and recognition of language rhythms from the womb.

There’s much more research available, but the key takeaway is that we should engage our child’s mind and senses early. Reading, music, and exposure to the arts not only develop cognitive skills but also foster emotional depth.

3. Be Present and Involved

“I was there for everything! Even when they both had two things at once, I tried to be at both.”

Children notice when you show up. That means they also notice when you’re physically and emotionally absent or unavailable. Being present communicates value and security. Trust me… I know how tough it is at the height of “extracurricular activity” season. My oldest daughter is in the high school band, my son is in middle school football, and my youngest participates in dance – all at different locations. You cannot be in more than one place at a time, so the key is effective communication and engagement. 

Use a calendar to stay organized and maintain awareness of your commitments and your children’s commitments, and show up when your schedule permits. Let them know as soon as possible if you’re unable to attend. When you miss, schedule time to talk to them about it by asking open-ended questions such as, “What was your favorite part?” or “How do you feel about your performance?” Let them know that you are missing because of competing priorities, not because you don’t want to be a part of it. Regardless of whether you were in attendance or not, scheduling time to talk with them about their interests is another opportunity to share a teachable and memorable experience. 

Try this: Talking retrospectively about a significant event doesn’t replace seeing an empty chair where your support system should be. There will be times when life demands more than you can give, but don’t forget your community! Ask for help so someone is there in your place. Being present and involved is a team effort.

4. Avoid the “Force-Feed” Approach

As parents, we know what’s best for our children based upon our research and experience; however, whether it’s food, books, or sports, forcing children into something you value (but they don’t) can backfire. I’ve been there. In fact, I had a hilarious (in retrospect) standoff with my oldest daughter when she was three. She didn’t want to take her vitamins, but she was often sick and didn’t eat the nutrient-rich meals I expected her to eat. One night, we sat quietly in a room. I was determined to make her eat that Flintstone vitamin and see that it wasn’t as bad as she thought…She was determined to prove me wrong. I woke up three hours later. She was asleep on my lap with the vitamin firmly clenched in her hand. I realized two things:

1. Somehow, this child is just as stubborn as I am 🙃, and
2. This wasn’t an effective way to ensure she got the nutrients she needed.

We should encourage our children to explore, but allow them to find their own interests. Support them. It will cost you extra time or money. However, they’ll be more inclined to stick to what they love, not just what you love. 

Try this: They’re human, so their interests change just like ours. Keeping them engaged throughout a season to teach them to follow through on their commitments is one thing, but maintaining their engagement for years after they lose interest is probably not the right approach. That may cause them to grow resentment towards that activity and the people forcing them to participate.

5. Keep Them Busy With Purpose

Old folks back home used to say,

“An idle mind is the devil’s playground.”

I had absolutely no idea what that meant as a child. It sounded like some nonsense they made up to scare us, but I eventually came to understand. Boredom can be fertile ground for trouble. Help your children channel their energy into meaningful activities. This isn’t about scheduling them in so many activities that you can’t keep up. It’s about steering them toward pursuits that build skills, character, and joy.

6. Make Education a Lifestyle

Two of Alyssia’s practical strategies stand out:

• Educational toys and games: From childhood on, she made sure her kids’ toys challenged their minds. Even video games were fun and engaging, and stimulated their minds. 
• “Look it up first”: I’m pretty sure she stole this from our parents, but I’ll still give Alyssia the credit. Whenever her kids had questions, she taught them to research answers before discussing them together. Having been on the receiving end of this tactic, I know how frustrating it is. Every time my parents told me that, I’d think, “Just tell me!” Regardless of my personal thoughts, learning to do research was extremely useful. It not only builds independence, but it also reinforces the value of lifelong learning.

The lesson? Create a home environment where curiosity is celebrated and learning is woven into daily life.

7. Teach by Example, Not Just Words

“You can tell kids what to value all their lives, but if you don’t show them, they will ignore it.”

Children have a built-in radar for authenticity. They watch how you treat people, handle stress, and follow through on your commitments. Your actions are the loudest lessons.

8. Cultivate Critical Thinking

Instead of dictating every choice, present the facts, offer your perspective, and allow your child to decide. This builds confidence, decision-making skills, and independence. As they grow, your role shifts from decision-maker to trusted advisor.

9. Lead With Courage and Openness

Children feed off your emotional cues. If you want them to be fearless, model openness to new experiences. Encourage them to try, fail, learn, and try again.

Final Thought: Your Role Evolves

When your children are young, they learn most from what you do. As they mature, your words carry more weight, but they’ll always be heard through the lens of your past actions. Alyssia’s children are both in college, and in my unbiased opinion, they are some of the most phenomenal people I’ve ever met. 

So before wondering where to start, recognize that you don’t have to be perfect. Start with alignment on values, model the life you want your children to live, and give them room to grow into the person they were created to be. 

If you don’t remember anything else…If you feel overwhelmed, start small. Choose just one of these nine tips to put into practice this week. Parenting isn’t about perfection; it’s about the 3 Ps: Presence, Patience, and Persistence.