Many of us believe that “presence” is everything ​in the high-stakes world of corporate leadership. We are conditioned to think that the loudest voice in the room, the most charismatic personality, or the person with the most impressive title wields the most influence. I believed this too early in my career. I legitimately thought leadership was about a boisterous demeanor and a firm hand (i.e., my perception of “command presence”). But several years of active duty and three children later, I’ve realized that while charisma might get you in the door, it won’t sustain you as a leader. Real growth doesn’t come from connection.

​This is the core of my Lead Last philosophy: True influence doesn’t flow from you to people; it flows through your relationship with them. I recently discussed this philosophy and more on the Grow Yourself Podcast. Here are a few highlights from our conversation.

​1. The Humility Trap: Authority vs. Influence

​Many emerging leaders feel a pull to assert their rank immediately. As I’ve told many emerging leaders, I understand because you’ve been hired for your expertise and feel the pressure to prove you’re worth the investment. However, entering a room like a “bull in a china shop” is the fastest way to lose your team’s trust. As a 22-year-old lieutenant, I was responsible for 80 Marines, some of whom had started their Marine Corps careers while I was still wearing pull-ups (that’s not an exaggeration for at least one of them)!

It was intimidating, but one of the first Marines I’d ever met, my recruiter, gave me a piece of advice that saved my career. He told me that if I go in without humility, my team will shut me out. Don’t pretend to have all the answers, be intimidated to the point of apprehension by people with more tenure, or be overwhelmed with false humility. Instead of saying, “I’m lost, help me,” say, “I am learning this organization, and I want to partner with you to lead it.”

​2. Strategic Vulnerability: Plugging the Gaps

​Vulnerability has become a buzzword, but in a leadership context, it is often misunderstood. It isn’t about emotional dysregulation or “breaking down” in front of your team (or live on social media). Think of vulnerability as an offensive line in football. If you know a specific spot is weak, you don’t ignore it. You move a running back or a tight end behind it to plug the gap. Strategic vulnerability is about intentionally sharing where you need support, so your team can build a cohesive bond. Bottom line: If you don’t know your own vulnerabilities, you aren’t leading; you’re just setting yourself up for an unknown failure.

​3. The “Lead Last” Framework

​To build lasting impact, you must prioritize three things before you ever issue an order:

• ​Know Yourself: Understand the root cause behind your decisions and biases.
• ​Know Your People: People grow best when they feel seen, safe, and understood.
• ​Know Your Environment: You cannot lead effectively in a context you don’t understand.

​4. Budget Your Time Like Your Capital

​If there is one mindset shift that separates elite leaders from the rest, it is this: Budget your time the same way you budget your money. We often allow “open door policies” to be abused, leading to constant distractions that prevent us from doing deep, intentional work. By adopting a “zero-based” approach to your calendar, you ensure you prioritize the mission and delegate the rest.

​The Bottom Line

​Leadership isn’t about being the hero of the story; it’s about being the architect of a culture where everyone can thrive. When you choose to Lead Last, you aren’t abdicating your authority—you are ensuring your influence endures long after you’ve left the room.

​Listen here: https://open.spotify.com/episode/2fioTBkaNFrwAZsfqHB5mK?si=-d7yIJCjSyqwqbQE9YzZPg

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