I absolutely love being connected to talented people! One of my Marine Corps colleagues and good friends published his third book a few months ago. The message, theme, and boldness with which he articulated his point have made it one of the favorites I keep in my office drawer anytime I’m tempted to self-denigrate, compare myself to others, or let imposter syndrome set in. The book is called “Forget Those Guys: How to Stop Comparing Yourself, Build Confidence, and Create a Life You Love“ by Shakir Robinson.

The “Comparison Scam” and Why It’s Trapping Us

​In the book, Shakir introduces a concept that hit me like a ton of bricks: The Comparison Scam. It’s a calculated psychological trap in which we measure our real, sometimes disjointed lives against others’ highly filtered, curated highlight reels. We see a “perfect” family or a “flawless” career on social media and immediately feel like we’re losing a game we didn’t even know we were playing.

​As someone who began my own leadership journey early—becoming a father at 19 and leading Marines by 22—I’ve seen firsthand how easy it is to let insecurity drive your decisions. Whether you’re a young parent trying to figure it all out, a player looking at the next person on the “depth chart,” or anything in between, the temptation to seek external validation is real. Shakir draws on his personal experiences from training in CrossFit around the world, playing football at the U.S. Naval Academy, and more to show that even the most “successful” people are often drowning behind the screen.

​Moving from “Performing” to “Growing”

​One of my favorite takeaways from the book is the distinction between growing and performing. Too often, we perform for the “ought self”—the version of us we think society, our families, or our peers expect us to be. But searching for confidence in the spotlight is like looking for love in all the wrong places. Conversely, we build real confidence through the steady, often quiet work of defining our own values.

​In my own work with the “Lead Last” (Pre-order here) philosophy, I often talk about how the most effective leaders care more about service than the spotlight. Shakir echoes this by teaching us how to “own our identity.” He provides a practical “values GPS” to help readers navigate through the noise. When you know your core values, such as discipline, authenticity, or community, comparison loses its grip because you’re no longer measuring yourself with someone else’s ruler.

​Living with the End in Mind

​The book lands gracefully by teaching us how to live a fulfilling life by “reverse engineering” our journey. Shakir challenges us to live with the end in mind, focusing on how we want to be remembered rather than how many “likes” we can gather today. It’s about investing in the relationships and experiences that actually matter, rather than allowing society to profit from our insecurities.

​Final Thoughts: Who Should Add This to Their Shelf?

​”Forget Those Guys” isn’t your typical cliché self-help book. It’s a raw, motivational guide with practical advice that anyone can apply. I found myself taking pages of notes to help identify deeply rooted insecurities I didn’t even realize were still there.

​If you’re a leader, a parent, or just someone tired of spinning your wheels in the comparison loop, this book is worth the investment. It’s of the same caliber as Adam Markel’s Pivot, and I even shared it with my own teenager.

​The message is clear: Stop living for “those guys” and start owning your journey. Your future self will thank you for it.

​Check it out for yourself! “Forget Those Guys“