This Sunday, Pastor Adam Sauer at The Mount gave a timely and powerful message on relationships that spoke directly to me.

The key theme: The little things matter. It’s not just the grand gestures or milestone moments, but the seemingly insignificant interactions that accumulate over time. Those small habits, intentional or not, can either build strong relationships or slowly tear them down.

Faithfulness in the Small Things

Luke 16:10 reminds us, “Whoever is faithful in very little is also faithful in much.” That verse came alive during Pastor Adam’s message. If you’re faithful, honest, and trustworthy in the small moments, you’ll instinctively be that way in the bigger ones when tensions rise, when you’re tired, and when no one is watching. It’s not about pretending to have it all together; it’s about practicing consistency that honors God and respects the people He’s placed in our lives.

Conflict Isn’t the Enemy—Selfishness Is

We’re human, and that means conflict is inevitable. It’s part of every friendship, marriage, partnership, and even our walk with God. But conflict isn’t the problem—how we handle it is. We are naturally selfish, sinful individuals, and when two people bump up against one another, our instinct is often to fight to win rather than fight for resolution.

Healthy couples (and relationships in general) approach conflict with the goal of unity. Unhealthy ones aim to prove a point. Proverbs 14:17 warns that a quick-tempered person acts foolishly. And let’s be honest, many of us know how true that is from experience.

Be Quick to Listen. Really Listen.

James 1:19 says, “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.” Pastor Adam drove this point home: when it’s time to listen, we often do everything but that. We zone out, rehearse comebacks, or assume what the other person means based on past baggage.

Real listening requires tuning in. That’s where empathy and emotional intelligence come in. Are we present? Are we reading body language, tone, and emotion instead of just hearing words? Are we giving people the gift of being understood?

How Do You Truly Understand Someone?

That question hit me hard while Pastor Adam was teaching: How do you understand what someone is trying to express when you’re listening?

It takes more than silence. It takes intentional, non-abrasive, empathetic, and open-ended questions that invite someone to open their heart. Here are a few that can help:

• “What do you need from me right now? Support, advice, or just a listening ear?”
• “Can you help me understand what you’re feeling when that happens?”
• “What part of this matters most to you?”
• “What would feeling heard look like for you right now?”
• “Is there something deeper going on that I might not be seeing?”

These questions create a safe space for vulnerability, and healing and deeper connection can occur in that space.

Guard Your Mouth, Guide Your Heart

Psalm 141:3 says, “Set a guard over my mouth, LORD; keep watch over the door of my lips.” That’s a prayer I’ve had to repeat often.

Pastor Adam hilariously pointed out that every thought that pops into your head is not a prompting from the Spirit. Before you speak, ask yourself:

• Should this be said?
• Should I say it now?
• Will this help or harm?

We’ve all experienced moments when something someone once did that was “cute” or admirable now grates on our nerves, especially during tense moments. That’s real. But we don’t have to let our reactions control us. We can pause, pray, and choose our response.

The truth, Pastor Adam highlighted, is that you’re never right at the top of your lungs.

Let God Work On You First

Before we rush to “fix” someone else, we must let God fix what’s happening inside us. That’s the tough, quiet work of sanctification. It’s also the beautiful, transformational path toward relationships that honor Him.

Conflict done well—handled with grace, humility, and truth—draws us closer to the image of God. That’s what we’re after.

So today, let’s be intentional about the little things. Let’s listen more, speak less, and love well.