This world is drowning in digital noise and anxiety-inducing information. One of the most common questions I receive is, “How do you raise a child or lead a team to be resilient, confident, and purpose-driven in today’s information-dense world?”

I recently joined Norbert Orlewicz on “Between Two Coaches” for an intensive conversation on the toughest challenge leaders face: actively guiding and nurturing the next generation. The truth is, building a leader requires a different approach than what pop culture preaches.

Here are four essential, counterintuitive lessons from our discussion on how to lead from a place of strength, clarity, and purpose.

​1. You Must Be a Leader, Not Just a Friend

​The first hurdle for any influential adult is rejecting the impulse to be their child’s (or team’s) best friend. True development requires a strong, adult figure who provides guidance, not just validation.

​We contrasted two popular models:

• ​The Leader Model (The Lion King): Adult figures guide and nurture the young person, providing a clear path to follow.

• ​The Friend Model (Frozen): Young people are largely left to figure things out independently without decisive adult intervention.

The message is clear (starting at [00:05:08]): Parents and mentors must advocate for being strong adult leaders. The goal is to create resilience and capability, which sometimes requires uncomfortable conversations and firm stances that a “friend” would avoid.

• Takeaway Action: When guiding your children or mentoring staff, don’t worry about being popular. Focus on being the strong, guiding figure who is present and dependable.

​2. Boundaries Aren’t Walls—They’re Growth Pots

​Many leaders struggle to set firm boundaries, fearing confrontation or losing connection. This is a critical mistake, especially when navigating the challenging teenage years.

As was discussed (starting at [00:11:49]), boundaries should be viewed as the pot a plant grows in. The pot restricts the roots, but that restriction is essential for the plant’s safety, stability, and vertical growth. Without it, the roots sprawl, and the plant dies.

• ​The Lesson: Firm boundaries are a gift that provides safety and structure, especially in the chaos of the teenage years.
• The Connection Strategy: Never use boundaries as a replacement for connection. Get into their world by staying connected, knowing their influences (shows, books, social media, etc.), and consistently building trust before the hard times arrive.

3. The POP-C Framework: Manage Your Anxiety to Build Their Resilience

​When a young person faces adversity, the adult’s reaction often does more damage than the event itself. As a leader and parent, you must manage your own fear and anxiety before you can guide someone else.

I shared the POP-C Framework (starting at [00:16:58]) for helping adults check their reactions and guide children toward resilience:

• P (Project): Avoid projecting your past fears or anxieties onto them. Your trauma is not their destiny.
• O (Overcompensate): Be cautious not to overcompensate or micromanage their recovery, as this hinders their ability to cope independently.
• P (Pretend Nothing Happened): Do not pretend traumatic events or significant changes haven’t occurred. Acknowledge the “new normal.”
• C (Control): Recognize what is outside of your control and focus your energy on what you can do: be present, be rested, and lean on your community for emotional support.
• Takeaway Action: When a crisis hits, use the POP-C checklist to focus on your emotional availability rather than trying to instantly fix or control the external problem.

​4. Never Walk Out on a Close: The Business of Your Mission

The conversation shifted from parenting to the business of building a mission—a lesson vital for any entrepreneur, author, or speaker (starting at [00:23:25]). If you don’t treat your passion project as a serious business, no one else will.

​The most crucial lesson is to clearly articulate your value and be ready to execute:

• ​Refine Your Pitch: You must be able to clearly and concisely articulate your service or product’s value. A vague pitch can ruin an opportunity.
• Be Ready to Close: As I shared, you should “never walk into a place where you can’t close” ([00:27:00]). Be prepared to act on opportunities and clearly leverage personal interactions to advance your mission.
• Takeaway Action: Write down the one-sentence, crystal-clear value proposition of your work. When you engage with a client, partner, mentor, or anyone else, be prepared to communicate that value and secure the next step in your mission.

​Connect & Go Deeper

This conversation is packed with strategies for building the next generation of resilient leaders! To hear the whole conversation and learn about the importance of active mentorship in my own life [00:07:36], watch the full episode.

​Watch the full interview here: https://youtu.be/t-pF6TioWqg

You can find more of my resources on leadership, family connection, and resilience at www.parent-child-connect.com, as well as my books on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/author/olaoluogunyemi.