I must begin by acknowledging the outstanding work being done on the “Beyond the Struggle: Rise and Drive” podcast. Whenever someone wants to discuss helping single parents not just survive, but thrive, I am all in! As a single mom herself, LaFortune (the host) didn’t shy away from asking the transparent, difficult questions that I know are hitting people where it hurts.
I balance a lot as a father, husband, Marine Corps major, and business owner, but I’ve seen firsthand the superhero strength it takes to be a single parent. Your journey often feels like a solo mission against overwhelming odds, but I’m here to tell you that the very thing you think you lack is your most significant source of power: your community.
Here are the most valuable lessons we explored in our conversation, along with the practical strategies you can apply today to transform your family’s experience.
1. Redefine Resilience: It’s Not a Solo Mission
When I define resilience, I say it’s “the ability to withstand pressure without breaking.” But for a single parent, it’s about doing the near impossible. I call that superhero strength.
The key distinction I want you to remember is this: True resilience, especially in a single-parent home, does not rest entirely on your shoulders.
”Resilience comes in the form of community and not necessarily just in yourself… It’s doing the near impossible to help grow children in this chaotic world.”
Your strength isn’t measured by how much you carry alone; it’s measured by your ability to strategically build and lean on the village you create. You actually become stronger the moment you decide to drop the solo-superhero cape.
2. The Hardest Battle: Relinquish the Illusion of Control
I know what it’s like to crave control. As a Marine Officer and recovering control freak, it’s in my DNA. I felt like a protector, and when things happened that I couldn’t control, it ripped at my own resilience.
I shared with LaFortune about a season where my son was diagnosed with complex partial epilepsy, we had a miscarriage, and our AC broke—all in one year. I was trying to conquer the world in a day: fix my son, keep my wife happy, take care of my daughter, and perform at work. It was all a desperate attempt to gain control, and it was tearing me down.
The breakthrough for me was hitting the floor and actually grieving the loss of control.
- The Goal is Presence: I realized my attempt to be “tough” and protect them was actually pulling me away from them. I couldn’t change the diagnosis, but I could be present and make the moments count.
- Stop Conquering, Start Prioritizing: If you are an overachiever who feels overwhelmed, the first practical strategy is simple: start prioritizing the things in your life. Give yourself a break and realize you’re already doing a phenomenal job.
3. The 10-Minute Rule: You Cannot Pour from an Empty Cup
Burnout occurs when we attempt to lead from a state of depletion. If you are stressed, you will likely react emotionally, and your child will respond with emotions as well. We must first control our own reactions.
The most practical strategy I advocate for is the 10-Minute Rule: Set aside at least 10 minutes a day for each area to build your physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual health.
This may sound like a luxury, but you actually have more time than you think. Use your transition time. For example, LaFortune and I spend 10 minutes sitting in the car to transition from work mode to home mode.
I gave a “TMI” disclaimer before saying this, but I even recommend using your “toilet time” to put on headphones, meditate, read, write, and/or decompress. Whatever you need to do, invest in yourself so that you can pour from a full cup.
4. The Village: Overcoming the Wall of Trust
LaFortune brought up a key pain point: the immense difficulty of knowing how to trust people, especially when it comes to letting your children spend the night.
It’s true. As I told her, we grew up in an environment where crying was a sign of weakness, and my mom always said, “If you let people know which buttons to push, they’re going to push them.” This was an unfortunate truth, as people often found creative ways to exploit my perceived weakness, prompting me to build a wall of mistrust against anyone outside my home. Likewise, many of you have easily justifiable reasons to support your wall of mistrust, especially if you’ve been hurt before.
LaFortune shared her own struggle: she didn’t believe in sleepovers until she met one woman she trusted, but that trust was built over time and only after she let the other child sleep over at her house first. This is just one common example of us learning who and when to trust and how to methodically tear down those walls of mistrust that we’ve reinforced over the years.
- It’s a Pain Point, Not a Flaw: It is okay (and wise) to be cautious! However, you must resist the urge to feel ashamed of needing help. There is nothing shameful about it. Having trusted adults who share your values and beliefs helps your lessons resonate and “sink in” with your child, and they extend the love you have for your child beyond the four walls of your home, teaching your child that, although it’s a chaotic world, they can be loved and accepted. This is crucial to their emotional and relational well-being.
- Practical Steps to Build Your Village THIS WEEK:
- Introduce Yourself to a Neighbor: I am the lead offender in this, but we have to do better! Get to know somebody.
- Contribute a Skill: Find something you do well (crocheting, playing music, coding) and invite people to share it with you. Building a village starts with small, genuine relationships.
My Final Mantra to You
You are doing a phenomenal job, and I see the superhero strength you possess.
My guiding mantra as both a parent and a leader is this:
“Life is like a weight room full of things that could either crush us or make us stronger. It all depends on your perspective.”
Focus on those small, daily actions, such as giving daily hugs, reading, and engaging in conversations. Those are the things that make the long-term difference in their lives.
If you ever need somebody to reach out to, please don’t hesitate. At Parent-Child Connect, we aim to be a part of your support system and help you cultivate the next generation of impactful leaders.
Watch the whole conversation with LaFortune here: https://youtu.be/tu8dMC9uQnY?si=L-jcGVAA_DvfEDfY
Listen to the whole conversation here: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/resilience-parenting-through-adversity-and-building/id1772489143?i=1000735946364
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