Five questions parents asked after this moment

Disappointment is one of those moments every parent recognizes, but few feel fully prepared for. After sharing this video, I had several parents reach out with variations of the same question:
“Okay, I get the idea, but what does this actually look like in real life?”

Here are the five most common questions parents asked, followed by the responses that guide how I approach these moments with my own children.

1. When my child is disappointed or hurt, what should I do first, before I say anything?

The first step is simple, but not always easy: be in the room.

And I don’t just mean physically. I mean, we must be mentally available and engaged with what’s going on.

That may require delaying another task, putting the phone down, or resisting the urge to multitask. In a busy household, that can feel inconvenient, but this moment of connection is worth it. Your presence communicates safety before you say a single word.

2. What if my child shuts down or won’t talk? How do I let them know they’re not alone and that their disappointment is valid?

Sometimes the best connection happens without words. I know that seems counterintuitive, because all we want to do is say the magic words to make the pain and disappointment disappear.

How you make contact will depend on your relationship with your child. It might be placing a hand on their shoulder, sitting beside them, or simply staying nearby without pressure. Your quiet presence says more than you think. You’re saying, “I’m here. You don’t have to go through this alone.”

Don’t be in a rush to fill the silence. It may feel awkward and uncomfortable at first, but some of the most healing moments happen when we create space rather than trying to manage discomfort with explanations or advice.

3. How can I give my child space to express their emotions without lecturing, projecting my own feelings, or assigning blame?

This is where many of us struggle, including me.

This is where my POP-C (Project, Overcompensate, Pretend nothing happened, and Control everything) framework comes into play. In summary, I’ve learned that we, as parents, mentors, and leaders, often react emotionally when we see someone we love hurting. Sometimes, we over-identify and bring our own emotions into the moment. Other times, we swing too far the other way and appear detached.

I’ve learned that practice is the key.

Practice regulating your emotions so you can help your child identify theirs. Allow them to express frustration, sadness, or anger. Help them name what they’re feeling—without lecturing, projecting, or blaming others. Emotional guidance works best when it’s calm, not corrective.

Here is the “Mood Meter” we posted in our home to help our children identify their emotions:

4. How do I “emotionally connect” with my child in the moment and then help lift their spirits without forcing it?

One of my favorite tools is mirroring tone and body language.

When you subtly match your child’s posture, tone, or pace, it sends an unconscious signal: “I see you. I’m with you.” Believe it or not, that simple tool builds trust.

Once that connection is established, you can subtly introduce what scientists call limbic synchrony, and what I call reverse tone and body language. Slowly and intentionally, brighten your tone. Sit or stand a little taller. Breathe more steadily. You’ll be surprised how naturally your child will follow your lead, without being told to “calm down” or “cheer up.”

It’s powerful because it respects their emotional state while gently guiding them forward.

5. How do I correct my child while still teaching ownership and responsibility when they start thinking negatively, blaming others, or making excuses?

This is the most challenging part because this is where the connection can easily be lost.

Instead of thinking in terms of correction, I prefer redirection.

If a child says, “That coach just hates me,” resist the urge to argue, defend the coach, or dismiss the statement. Doing so often backs you into a corner where the child responds, “Then what is it?” and now you’re debating instead of teaching.

The goal is to gently redirect their thinking toward ownership:
What can you control?
What can you learn?
What needs to be let go?

This approach avoids excuses and victimhood while still honoring the child’s emotions, and it keeps the conversation productive rather than adversarial. You don’t have to use the questions I provided verbatim, but the idea is to focus the child on ownership, acceptance, and controlling only what they can control while letting go of everything else.

Final Thought

Disappointment isn’t something to rush through or minimize. It’s a teachable moment, one that can build emotional resilience, trust, and ownership when handled with presence and intention.

Connection comes first. Guidance follows.

If this resonated with you, I encourage you to watch the video above and reflect on which step your child may need most right now.