Last week, I learned two of the most important lessons in high-stakes leadership from a (hysterical) situation involving my 7-year-old daughter and a trapped bird.

​The Scene: High Stakes on the Back Patio

Picture this: Our small dog was acting strange—jumping on the patio furniture and “hunting” for something. It’s strange because he’s never jumped on the furniture before. He prefers to run around the yard and play chase. I knew something was up. That’s when we heard it: “tweet, tweet.” A bird was trapped on our screened-in patio!

Now, neither Brea nor I works for animal control or a vet, and we aren’t ornithologists. So we were exactly clamoring to address this situation. After a quick game of “nose goes,” I was left with the responsibility of chasing this bird off…until I exercised my Dad rights to delegate it to the children. My youngest immediately jumped on the task, and we headed out together.

I moved the furniture and studied the situation. Admittedly, I got stuck in “problem-solving” mode: How do I get this thing out of here without making a mess? But my daughter was in “mission-critical” mode. She didn’t just want the bird out; she wanted the bird safe. Our differing perspectives on the situation fascinated me as we developed our slightly different solutions.

​Lesson 1: Empathy Without Action is Just Apathy

As adults, we often get stuck in the “emotional connection” phase. We feel bad for the person (or the bird), we analyze the struggle, and then we stall.

​My daughter showed me the difference:

• ​Adult Approach: Solve the problem (Efficiency).
• ​Child Approach: Protect the life (Empathy + Action).

She was so committed that at one point, she was holding back a hyper puppy with one hand and petting a terrified bird with the other. She reminded me that leadership isn’t just about focusing on the end goal; it prioritizes the “how” just as much as the “what.”

​Lesson 2: Confidence is a State, Not a Trait

​This was the “aha” moment. At one point, the bird panicked, and my daughter jumped back. She looked at me and said:

​“I don’t have the confidence for this right now.”

At first, I thought she was just nervous. Then I realized the brilliance of her wording. She didn’t say, “I’m not a confident person.” She identified a temporary lack of a specific resource.

The Leadership Takeaway:

Most people mistake a temporary feeling of low confidence for a permanent character flaw. My daughter didn’t. She recognized she felt shaky, took a breath, and let her purpose (saving the bird) outweigh her feeling (the fear).

The Result? A few minutes later, she successfully and gently released the bird back into the wild with no injuries.

The Bottom Line for Parents and Leaders:

Don’t let a temporary feeling become a permanent diagnosis of your identity. You don’t need to be a confident person to do something brave; you just need to let your mission be bigger than your nerves.

More Research for the Nerds…Like me

The “Nurturing” Factor

This situation reminded me of the Blake and Mouton Leadership Grid. Robert Blake and Jane Mouton developed this grid in the 1960s, identifying five leadership styles plotting concern for production (task) against concern for people. It helps leaders evaluate if they are too focused on tasks, too focused on people, or effectively balancing both. 

In the trapped bird scenario, I was only focused on getting the bird out as quickly as possible, forgetting that the “obstacle” I was moving was a living thing. This is easy to see when we’re talking about a bird, but what happens when the “obstacles” become employees, students, or even your own children? By pausing to ensure the bird wasn’t harmed, my daughter demonstrated that sustainable leadership protects the ecosystem while solving the problem.

Note: The image above illustrates the balance between “Concern for People” vs. “Concern for Results.” My daughter was operating at the highest level—high results, but even higher care for the individual. Source: https://expertprogrammanagement.com/2019/05/blake-mouton-grid/