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Establishing Winning Habits

On the go? Listen to and/or download the audio version of “Establishing Winning Habits!”

I had the pleasure of working in General Austin Miller’s (U.S. Army) command for a few months, and there is one thing that I heard him say over 100 times (that’s no exaggeration): establish repeatable processes. Sometimes, when you hear something so often, you become numb to it; however, that would’ve been a bad idea for me for a couple of reasons: 1. He was a commanding officer, so becoming numb to his orders is a sure way to get you fired. 2. More importantly, every time he said it, he caused me to reflect on my own “repeatable processes” or as most of us call them, habits.

Since then, this idea of habit creation and sustainment has become a critical part of my personal and professional philosophy. Why? Well, I can summarize why with this quote:

If your habits don’t support your goals, your goals are just a wish list.

Olaolu Ogunyemi

What are habits?

Most times when we talk about habits, we are either confronting about or being confronted about bad habits. Don’t get me wrong, I believe this “confrontation” or accountability is a crucial part of habit creation, but it is only part of the equation. We will dive into my principles soon, but first, let’s define “habits.”

Oxford Languages says that a habit is, “a settled or regular tendency or practice, especially one that is hard to give up.” My love for food was the first thing that came to mind when I read this definition. Like most people, I’m still working towards that beach body six pack, but there’s a cliche that closely relates to my eating practices and delays my results: “you are what you eat.” I want to slightly modify this cliche to give you my own simplified definition of the word “habit”:

You are what you repeat.

Olaolu Ogunyemi

My winning habits principles

1. Winning habits begin with math.

Oh no… I’m becoming my parents! When I was young, I was one of those in class telling my math teachers, “I will never use this again!” Now, aside from the fact that i refuse to use a calculator to determine my tips and I solve two math problems every morning to shut off my alarm, I am telling you that winning habits begin with math. It’s actually pretty simple math.

There are twenty-four hours each day. Most of us spend 6-8 of those hours sleeping and another 8-12 of those hours “working.” (You’ll find out why I put “working” in quotes a little later). That means that about 14-20 hours of our day are usually accounted for. What are you doing with the other 4-10 hours each day? Are you intentionally investing every minute?

Those aren’t rhetorical questions to make a point; I truly want you to reflect on what you do during those hours. Although many won’t admit it, a lot of us have formed habits that simply drain our time. So much so that we can seldom recall what we did the day before. If you’re anything like me, you went back to double check that math. That can’t be right! Well, it is.

I reflected on this in one of my very first blog posts where I outlined how many habits I had formed that completely drained my time, and get this: a majority of them were somehow related to the device I carry around in my pocket every day. I challenge you to do your own reflection and record your daily habits.

2. Focus your habits.

Were you shocked by your daily habits list? That’s ok. Let’s do something about it! How do your daily habits align with your goals? Don’t lie or try to use some kind of “butterfly effect” justification. Don’t worry about how much effort or energy you put into each habit. Just have an objective review of what results your daily habits produce. Results are all that matter; there is no “A” for effort–make sure your habits support this fact.

3. “It’s called work for a reason!” -Larry Winget

I recently read and enjoyed this book by Larry Winget. Some may not like his style, because he refers to himself as an “irritational” speaker. In other words, he strives to make you so uncomfortable where you are that you desire to change.

I think my favorite part of this book is the fact that it was aptly named. One would assume that once you get a job, you would show up to perform that job; however, many of us have formed extremely bad habits in the workplace from doing personal chores to not doing anything at all. Of course this causes a ripple effect throughout any given organization and severely impedes processes. Your habits in the workplace are a reflection of your character, values, and professionalism. In other words, if your habits aren’t contributing towards the company’s desired results, you are part of the problem. Let’s focus on making our companies better!

4. Sleep is a must!

I actually don’t know where I got it from, but I remember saying, “sleep is for the rich, so I can’t afford it.” I don’t know; it just sounded cool to me. Nowadays, I don’t know if it’s maturity, a realignment of priorities, or a little bit of both, but I absolutely love sleep! There’s nothing like racing to my bed after a long day. (I’m yawning just thinking about it.)

Listen, numerous studies have shown that our sleep habits impact our mood, performance, attitude, and brain function. Temporarily reducing sleep to accomplish a specific goal is ok, but the key word is “temporarily.” Create a set time, routine, and location for your rest. This is one of the most important habits you can form.

5. Accountability is continuous, but give yourself grace.

Earlier I mentioned that confrontation and accountability are a huge part of habit creation. Let’s use my dietary habits as an example. I can claim that I want to eat better all I want, but without external feedback mechanisms like my wife or the MyFitnessPal food tracker, my goal is a well-intended wish.

However, the other part is grace. We spend decades forming habits, but then we expect to immediately break those habits and form new ones over night. Listen, that is highly unlikely, so give yourself a little grace. Implement a “clean slate” policy meaning you get to mess up every once in a while. Just reflect and implement a couple more accountability mechanisms to prevent repeating the same mistake.

Notice I used the word “repeating” here. You remember where I used that word before? That’s right. “You are what you repeat.” So don’t form a new habit of making more mistakes than progress. This is where a lot of us get stuck. Then we disguise this “one step forward, two steps back” approach as progress as we celebrate the one step forward and apply the “clean slate” policy to our two steps backwards. Let’s break that habit, because it will never work. Accountability and grace go hand-in-hand–you can’t have one without the other.

My winning habits

Now that I’ve outlined my principles, here is a quick list of habits I consider important in no particular order:

  1. Read and learn to experience the world from a different perspective.
  2. Take care of yourself: dedicate time each day to building your physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual pillars. At least 30 minutes per pillar per day.
  3. Work hard when it’s time to work. Play hard when it’s time to play. Rest well when it’s time to rest.
  4. Spend uninterrupted time loving on friends and family. I cannot stress this one enough. Forgive if you need to forgive. Life is too short.
  5. Schedule time for the “time drainers” like social media, TV, window shopping, etc. These will likely always exist, but you need to manage them.
  6. Prioritize your day. Like Dr. Covey said, “keep the main thing, the main thing.” Or maybe I’ll add a little spin to the famous TLC line, “don’t go chasing waterfalls” (my spin) when you are supposed to be swimming at the lake. Yeah I know that was cheesy, but you get the point. Establish and align your habits to your priorities!
  7. Allocate time to reflect on the day. What did you do well? What are some opportunities for improvement?
  8. Smile, have fun, and remind yourself that you are valuable and have a purpose. Your daily habits support that purpose!

Thanks for reading! Have a great week!

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Read along with me!: “Billy Dipper’s Time to Shine” by Olaolu Ogunyemi

Happy Friday! I am excited to share my latest project: a read along of my book Billy Dipper’s Time to Shine!

Do you know a child? Maybe you know a teacher, librarian, parent, or mentor? Send them this link (https://youtu.be/F25Npwt8zdA), and let’s read together!

Billy Dipper’s Time to Shine by Olaolu Ogunyemi — Read Aloud Books for Children

Thanks for your support! Don’t forget to like, subscribe, and share!!

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Quick Parent Tip: Father’s Day Edition (Reblog)

Happy Father’s Day to all my Dads out there! We celebrate your accomplishments, sacrifices, and love today!

Let’s dive straight into today’s encouraging Quick Parent Tip for this Father’s Day weekend:

Fight for your family.

You are your family’s physical, mental, and spiritual protector. Embrace it. Fight for peace in your home and for your family’s unity and mental stability. Never stop fighting! You got this because you are not alone. I believe in you!

Accept responsibility.

You are responsible for everything that happens and fails to happen in your home. Let me be the first to tell you that this is both an honor and a burden. Regardless, keep pressing! Accept your responsibility willingly and take pride in being the leader of your home. Keep making decisions with your family’s best interest in mind.

Teach your family.

You are a great teacher and mentor for your family. You have the wisdom, knowledge, and experience to do it; just believe in yourself! Remember, more is caught than taught, so continue to set the example with your words and actions.

Hearing vs listening.

We all do it. We look up, see someone’s lips moving, and realize they have been talking to us the entire time. It’s ok. Next time, engage in active communication. Hearing is passive (i.e. your ears recognize a sound); however, listening is active. So be actively engaged in conversations today. Ask questions, nod along, mirror body language, and share the moment!

Elevate your perception of your contributions.

I know you are working your butt off, and oftentimes, it feels like it goes unnoticed. I want to encourage you to keep doing it. Your hard work, decisions, love, protection, and care are definitely making a difference. Even if no one else celebrates you this weekend, I am celebrating you right now! Great job brother! You are doing exactly what you need to be doing!

Relax and recover.

Take some time to focus on the positives–the great things you have done for your family! You have done (and continue to do) what many have turned away from. Rest well knowing that your impact is felt by more than those in your household. Society is indebted to you.

Thank you for your hard work, commitment, and sacrifices! Happy Father’s Day!

For those reading this who are not fathers, please take some time to thank a father this weekend. I promise you it means a lot!

Olaolu Ogunyemi: U.S. Marine Officer | Mentor | Best-selling Author
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Mission accomplished: A retrospective look at my time at Marine Corps Expeditionary Warfare School

In December 2020, I was working out with my oldest brother when the congratulatory messages came rolling in; I had been selected to attend resident United States Marine Corps Expeditionary Warfare School.  Normally, junior officers celebrate this news because it means you were board-selected to continue your education at Marine Corps University which is accredited to award Master’s Degrees. Instead, I was annoyed (to say the least) because I could only think of all the late nights/early mornings I spent to complete the distant education variant of the school I was selected to attend. I was even more annoyed by the fact that I was leaving behind a great team of people just as we were starting to work together and make significant progress.

After I finished what I can only describe as a private adult tantrum, I remembered one of my favorite verses that I learned as a child:

And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.

Romans 8:28 NLT
Romans 8:28 (Courtesy: YouVersion Bible App)

That is when I decided to take my own advice and shift my perspective on the opportunity I was about to pursue.

*Author’s note on spiritual fitness*

It is easy to talk about physical fitness because anyone can track and observe tangible results. Mental fitness is fun to talk about because I am enamored by the brain, so I nerd out on things like the cognitive process and neuroplasticity. However, though it is equally as important, I admittedly do not discuss spiritual fitness enough. Too often we associate spirituality with a religious affiliation. I teach that our spirituality is customized to each individual person. Our spirituality guides our moral compass and gives us a reason to live and “do” that exceeds personal gain. Many people call the latter our “purpose” or “higher calling.”

Our spirituality allows us to realize that our situations are all temporary; however, we remain hopeful because we firmly believe each of those situations–whether bleak or lush–are interconnected and will work together to create a favorable outcome. This gives us the courage to search for the growth opportunities in each circumstance. Therefore, when approaching any circumstance, I challenge you to ask two questions: 1. “How can I accomplish my purpose while here? (Extrospection)” 2. “What can I personally and professionally learn from this? (Introspection)”*

I shifted my perspective

Once I shifted my perspective, I was able to develop personal and professional goals. I will share a few of them with you in hopes that I can help you establish and pursue your own goals. Use these as an example vice a threshold, because quite honestly, I did much better in some categories than others.

Just a few of the personal and professional goals I set last summer

  1. Improve cardiovascular endurance
    • How did I do? I decreased my run time by forty-nine seconds.
  2. Make better dietary choices to improve physical appearance
    • How did I do? I cut several food items to include dairy milk. As a result, I lost nine pounds and reduced my body fat percentage by approximately 2-3%
  3. Help train others to prepare them for their upcoming promotion board.
    • How did I do? I offered to train anyone who was willing to train first thing in the morning. One person accepted the challenge, and we began training in September 2021. She was able to achieve a 300/300 Combat Fitness Test score and a 295/300 Physical Fitness Test score. Additionally, she had noticeable changes in her physique and established a workout regimen that she plans to continue.
  4. Become more studious and a more avid reader
    • How did I do? In conjunction with my school studies, I read and studied several additional books on diverse topics and a plethora of scholarly articles. These books ranged from The Mentor Leader by Tony Dungy to We Were One: Shoulder to Shoulder with the Marines Who Took Fallujah by Patrick K. O’Donnell to The Brain’s Way of Healing: Remarkable Discoveries and Recoveries from the Frontiers of Neuroplasticity by Norman Doidge
  5. Become a more clear and succinct writer and write a scholarly article to publish
    • How did I do? I am sure my Faculty Advisor (he reviewed all of my papers) may argue that the “succinct” portion of that goal is subjective, but I believe I did well :D. More importantly, I was awarded the Marine Corps University Foundation Academic Year 2021-2022 “Mutter Marines Command and Control Writing Award” for my argumentative research paper entitled, “Adapt or Perish: A call to revise the Marine Corps Command, Control, Communications, and Computer (C4) Architecture.” At the time of this post, none of my articles have been published, but I am still working with a few editors for future publication.
  6. Collaborate with organizations and media outlets to inspire our future generation to pursue their dreams
    • How did I do? I was featured in several articles, podcasts, and elementary school visits. Check out this link to see a couple of the articles!
  7. Dedicate time to spend with family
    • How did I do? I made it a point to attend every extracurricular activity and practice that I could attend for my children. My children’s extracurricular activities included music lessons, football (in season), basketball (in season), and baseball (in season). Additionally, I did my best to always study and build my personal brand when my family was sleep (either early in the morning or late at night). I knew that I had to take advantage of this opportunity while in school, because work requirements sometimes hamper my ability to give my wife and children the time they deserve.

My hope for you

I hope you are able to use my experience and examples to prepare for your next challenge! All the obstacles you have encountered (to include what you are working to overcome right now) will work together for your benefit. Be encouraged and inspired to keep progressing, keep setting and pursuing your goals, and go win. I believe in you!

Thanks for your support! Please like, share, comment, and check out https://parent-child-connect.com/blog for more!

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What inspires you?

I will never forget the cycle of emotions I had before I published my first book: excitement, nervousness, fear, self-doubt, repeat. The rejection messages and my own “what ifs” seemed to validate my repetitive emotion cycle. My family continued to encourage me to publish–especially my brother Joshua (the illustrator). However, I broke the cycle by asking myself two questions:

Why do you want to do this? What inspires you?

My answer was, as it has been in other areas of my life, “this will be a success if I can just reach one person.” That was all I needed to make my final decision to publish! Now that I have published multiple books, I have adopted a new slogan, “just one more!” In other words, I strive to reach and encourage at least one person each day. That is what drives me to relentlessly pursue my personal and professional goals.

With that in mind, stories like David Dredden‘s make my day!:

Courtesy of David Dredden’s Facebook profile: https://www.facebook.com/david.dredden

Isn’t his Facebook post wonderful? This is exactly what I had in mind when I created the parent-child-connect (P2C) book series (and my website); I wanted to provide resources for parents, teachers, and mentors to create fun and memorable experiences with their children. So first, I would like to celebrate David and his wife Kristen, because along with their other wonderful endeavors (find out more here), they are doing an exceptional job with King and his siblings!

I am also honored and inspired to be a small part of King’s journey to overcome the challenges associated with autism. I have had the pleasure of knowing King since he was born, and he has always impressed me! King would come sit beside me at church to study the drums during service when we lived in San Diego. His dedication was impressive, but the skills he developed by the age of four wowed me! That is a testament to his work ethic, and it is obvious his parents are investing time and creating memorable moments with him and his siblings!

It’s the first day of World Autism Month!

King and the entire Dredden family are truly amazing, and their story is just one example of what inspires me. This is a perfect way to kick off World Autism Month where we “pledge to help create a world where all people with autism can reach their full potential.https://www.autismspeaks.org/world-autism-month

Click the link above to learn more about World Autism Month, and connect with David Dredden to learn more about the great things he is doing!

Now it’s your turn, and I want to hear from you! What inspires you?

Did you enjoy this post?

Olaolu Ogunyemi: U.S. Marine | Mentor | Best-selling Author

Check out my blog for more great posts like this one! https://parent-child-connect.com/blog

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Quick Parent Tip: How To Build Trust As A Leader

trust /trəst/: firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something. -Oxford Languages

Hey parents, teachers, and mentors! We know trust is a must when it comes to leading, but do we all know how to build trust with our children? Let’s have a quick chat.

I was recently thinking about a trip my family and I made to Sky Zone Trampoline Park to celebrate my oldest daughter’s birthday. This is one of my favorite ways to celebrate birthdays because it is fun for the entire family (and we are not on the hook for the after-party cleanup)! While there, my son–who is enamored by ninja warriors–decided to take on the Warp Wall (picture below). After a couple of tries, he made it to the top! There was only one problem; he miscalculated the distance between the Warp Wall and the pole to exit the obstacle.

Courtesy of Google Images

I instinctively told him, “alright son, go ahead and grab that pole and slide down.” I missed  the fact that he was clearly stuck–afraid that he would injure himself if he attempted to come down. I tried to coach him on how to safely dismount to no avail. After about two minutes of rough parenting (I was really struggling to get him down lol), I finally said, “just jump! I will catch you.” Surprisingly, he was more receptive to this idea. “Are you sure?” He responded. “Yes. Trust me.” He finally came down.

In retrospect, I probably said about one hundred words in that long two minutes, but  “trust me” were the only two words I needed. My son’s trust in me caused his fears to decrease and his confidence increase. Trust is a powerful and vital tool for effective leaders. Here are five ways to build trust with your children.

Five Ways To Build Trust

1. Authenticity

My generation would simply say, “do you, boo boo!” In other words, be who you are, not who you think others want you to be. On one hand, you do not want to broadcast every intricate detail of your personal and professional life. On the other hand, you do not want to give the perception that you are perfect. If you give that perception, you will inevitably build a tower of high expectations on a foundation of false hopes. Then, when you make a mistake, that foundation will shift and cause the tower to collapse. Be comfortable with the person in the mirror. That’s who your children want/need you to be.

2. Transparency

You need to have clear, open, and frequent communication with your children. They should never be surprised by your expectations or thoughts about them. Be completely honest by telling them how their unique skills contribute to your household’s success. Don’t be afraid to show emotion as you lather them in positive affirmations, but try to limit or completely eliminate your negative emotions while correcting them. Being transparent exposes your true motives, so let your children know you have their best interests at heart and prove it through your consistent actions. As I have said before, more is caught than taught.

3. Integrity.

According to Oxford Languages, integrity is “the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles; moral uprightness.” The key word is honesty. You should strive for your actions to be consistently honest and your decisions to be morally sound regardless of the circumstance. Why? Because your children are always watching! You cannot convince your children that you are transparent with them when your actions wreak of dishonesty and deceit. They would accurately assume your lack of integrity perforates every single aspect of your life–including your relationship with them. Be honest, make morally sound decisions, and consistently demonstrate integrity.

4. Consistency.

Here’s a general rule of thumb: whatever you do, follow through. Follow through on your promises, rewards, and discipline. Be organized, maintain structure, and be consistent with who you are (authentic), what you do (transparent), and how you do it (integrity). Be physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually present for your children. Always remember this: empty promises lead to shallow and untrustworthy relationships.

5. Proficiency. 

Some say, “knowledge is power,” but I believe applied knowledge is power! Nobody wants to follow a clueless leader. So we have to be continuous learners who simultaneously apply what we learn. Our children are counting on us to constantly learn more and refine our parenting and mentoring skills. Guess what? You are working on your proficiency right now by reading this, so kudos to you!

Remembering and applying these five tips will undoubtedly enhance your relationship with your children and restore the power to those two words we discussed earlier: “trust me.” Have a great weekend, and I’ll see you next time!

Author Olaolu Ogunyemi explains five ways to build trust with your children.
Olaolu Ogunyemi: U.S. Marine Officer | Mentor | Best-selling Author

Find more great articles like this on my blog: http://www.parent-child-connect.com/blog

Did you know I offer FREE resources?! Check out http://www.parent-child-connect.com/free-resources

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The “Billy Dipper’s Time to Shine” release!

"Billy Dipper's Time to Shine" is scheduled to be released on February 16, 2022!
Billy Dipper’s Time to Shine
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You CAN Make it Through These Dark Times! PART 2- A Winning Strategy to Conquer Adversity

I wasn’t originally planning on releasing a part two, but after receiving feedback from you beautiful people, I decided to continue the conversation and introduce “a winning strategy to conquer adversity!”

As you already know, life is a journey. In Part 1 (Click here for Part 1), we discussed a quote by award-winning poet, Theodore Roethke: “In a dark time, the eye begins to see.” As I continued to read and think about this topic, it reminded me of a challenging hike I completed when I was doing the Mission Trails Regional Park 5-peak challenge. It was not the most physically demanding thing I have done (U.S. Marine Corps training will push you to your limits), but there were definitely a few extremely challenging portions.

The Journey

There was one particular portion of the North Fortuna Mountain that gets fairly steep; especially after inclement weather. The natural competitor in me forced me to complete this trail numerous times…but the first time was not a pretty sight! When I first approached this portion of the trail, I heard a loud, Drill Instructor-esque voice in my head yell, “attack the hill!” So I looked down and began charging up the steep incline that led to the summit–pumping my arms and power breathing as I went. I kept my head down in hopes that this would somehow help me magically arrive at the plateau quicker. Unfortunately, this was not reality. The further I hiked, the steeper the incline became. After about two minutes, my legs were burning, I was panting, and I was raining sweat.

I finally glanced up… I was definitely not as close as I thought I’d be. In fact, I hadn’t made much progress at all! So I had a choice to make. You see, I had already determined I was going to finish the hike. (Once I put my mind to it, it is going to happen!) So turning back wasn’t an option, but I had another decision to make: how should I motivate myself to complete this hike? Should I focus solely on the plateau? How long will I dwell on my progress (or lack thereof)? Should I closely monitor my progress as I continue to go forward?

I chose the latter and restarted my journey. After a couple more minutes, I checked my progress. When I looked back I initially thought, “I haven’t gone anywhere!” Then I noticed some people who were close to where I started. “Those people look small,” I thought. “I am farther than I thought!” That’s all I needed to continue pushing! So I started to hike again; looking back every 5-10 steps or so to see if the people behind me were getting even smaller. After another couple minutes passed, I decided to look up to see how far I made it. “You haven’t gone anywhere!” I exclaimed to myself. The tree I marked during my last break was still relatively close. I made less progress this time than I did before my first stop.

This is where I started to feel sorry for myself. “I am doing my best to get in better shape, and I cannot even motivate myself to get past this hill!” That’s when it hit me. I could not efficiently move forward while gazing at the things behind me. While I was glancing back, I found myself slipping on loose sand, stumbling over rocks, and falling off the path. In hindsight, this made my journey even more rigorous!

I could not efficiently move forward while gazing at the things behind me.

The Winning Strategy!

With that in mind, I developed a new winning strategy that would eventually help me overcome this challenge and subsequently make it to the summit. Before I restarted, I established what I called “checkpoints” or “mini-goals” along the path where I would rest and reflect (i.e. celebrate my progress). While hiking, I paid close attention to where I stepped; ensuring I constantly progressed as each step was on solid or compacted soil. Lastly, I kept my overall goal in mind: reach the North Fortuna summit, take a picture, and enjoy sunrise and the peaceful nature around me. It is important to note, this portion of the trail did not get any less steep or challenging; however, I knew I had the winning strategy to conquer this adverse situation and achieve my goal.

There are a few things I learned from that hike that I believe are helpful…

  1. Rest and reflect. One of the biggest contributors to successfully completing this hike was implementing my mini-goals. I set my sights on several large rocks, trees, or recognizable features along the trail and said, “do not stop until you reach that mini-goal.” Once I reached my mini-goal, I did a small celebration to commemorate my progress. In essence, I broke my journey into manageable chunks that I could physically achieve and implemented preplanned opportunities to refresh my mental resiliency. The stops were not long; just quick enough to catch my breath and celebrate my progress. As goes life. Schedule quick moments to rest and reflect on progress, then keep pushing towards your ultimate goal!
  2. Live in the moment. While grappling with today’s challenges, we cannot allow ourselves to be burdened by yesterdays news or overwhelmed with tomorrow’s issues. Focus on traversing the path ahead of you and achieving your mini-goals instead of gazing at the things behind you or worrying about tomorrow’s uncertainties.
  3. Be aware and selective of what (or whom) you allow to validate your efforts. I was gauging my success on the trail off of someone else. In retrospect, those people were taking pictures, enjoying nature, strolling, and most importantly, they didn’t even take the same trail. We currently live in a society where it is easy to allow likes, shares, comments, money, and praise to validate us. The issue is those things are temporary. We should only find validation in things that are permanent (e.g. your purpose in life). For me, it is inspiring others. My efforts are validated when my children’s books, blog posts, speaking engagements, and my platform in general inspires someone else to pursue their own goals and dreams!
  4. Don’t lose sight of your goal. My overall goal was to reach the summit, and I did! No matter how challenging the journey, never forget where you are going. Your “why” is what drives you day to day. Your “where” is what makes the journey worth it! You can and will achieve all of your goals! Believe in yourself!

Have a fantastic day, and know that you CAN and WILL make it through these dark times!

Want a little help making it through these dark times?

I partnered with my friend Deb Kartz to bring you a FREE 21-day virtual summit! Therein, you will enjoy pre-recorded interviews with industry experts who will give you proven strategies to conquer anxiety & toxicity! Click here to register for free!

Register for FREE to learn more winning strategies!
Register for FREE to learn more winning strategies!

I am one of the featured speakers, and I am excited for you to join! I’ll be sharing my own methods on how you can conquer anxiety and toxicity! Anxiety and toxicity are just another way that sneaky “shadow” tries to creep into our life and our children’s lives. As my Amazon best-seller Crow From the Shadow says, “The Shadow is a person… or maybe a thing… or a place. The Shadow tells me who to be, how to go, and where to stay.” Not anymore! We are going to expose that sneaky shadow and kick ’em to the curb! Join us for FREE as we #defeattheshadow to conquer anxiety and toxicity!

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Speak Out by Aubrie Owens

*Quick commentary from Olaolu: I created Parent-Child-Connect to provide resources for parents, teachers, and mentors to connect with their children. I believe a large part of that mission is to use my platform to encourage and spread hope! With that in mind, I am excited to share the virtual stage with a great friend who has been like family to us since we started active duty service in 2013! Meet, Aubrie Owens aka my wife’s bestie. She is excited to speak out and share small portion of her story to encourage, educate, and empower you! Like, share, comment, enjoy!*

Kyle and Aubrie Owens

I have been contemplating writing this, and I have finally decided to speak out. Social media tends to highlight happy moments, but in truth, it’s not all happiness. I have been struggling with endometriosis for many years now. For those who don’t know, endometriosis (en-doe-me-tree-O-sis) is “a disorder in which tissue that normally lines the uterus grows outside the uterus” (source: mayoclinic.org).  They say one in every ten women struggle with this condition. It has caused me infertility and pain for many years, and I have had countless miscarriages and heartbreak because of it. It hasn’t all been heartbreak though. My husband Kyle and I have also had many joys giving birth to a beautiful daughter named Yuri and watching Ava be a wonderful big sister. I have also been fortunate to have amazing doctors and family/friend support. 

How it started: 

Around 2013, I went to the ER with abdominal pain. The doctors discovered a cyst the size of a softball near my ovary, and they determined surgery was the best option. During the surgery, they identified that I had severe endometriosis. They advised me to immediately start consulting a fertility doctor if I would like to have children in the future. This led us to visit multiple doctors which, in turn, led them to prescribe me multiple medications. Numerous Intrauterine insemination (IUI) and In vitro fertilization (IVF) treatments resulted in many miscarriages. Finally, in 2016 (our last IVF attempt), I became pregnant with Yuri. 

After months of heartbreak and disappointment, we finally conceived a child! However, I wasn’t out of the woods yet. In 2017 I almost lost my life, and we almost lost Yuri. I had appendicitis that resulted in sepsis, and Yuri and I would spend months in the hospital trying to recover. 

The journey continues: 

I have accepted the hard truth; it is time for a full hysterectomy. Though I am extremely grateful that I was able to conceive my two children, I do not want to continue to live with the pain. I do not write this for sympathy but in hopes I can reach another woman who is going through a struggling time. Whether you have had to endure a chronic illness or disorder, a miscarriage, or pain that led to infertility, I am here. We as women must choose what is best for us and never let others dictate how we feel. 

Today, I ask for good vibes and prayers as I go in for surgery. I’m going to be straight with all of you, I am scared. The last time I went in for surgery I almost lost my life and my child. But I am thankful for the support of my family, friends, and wonderful doctors. I am appreciative of my husband who has supported me throughout many trying times. He held me as I cried over the children we lost. He spent countless hours with me in the hospital when I was ill, and stayed most nights with Yuri in the NICU.  

As silly as it sounds, part of me feels like I am losing my ability to be a woman. I will never be able to carry another child. It is especially painful because people often ask, “are you going to try again for a boy?” I’ve decided my health and my body means more to me than bringing another life into this world. Getting to spend time with my family pain free will be the most rewarding joy. 

I write this today as an encouragement to you all. Speak out! Do what you feel is best for YOU. In a world of uncertainty, your happiness and your health is the number one priority.

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Special announcement and BONUS Quick Parent Tip About Giving!

I love November, so we are celebrating with a sale + a bonus quick parent tip about giving!

☑️ Marine Corps Birthday- Nov 10th
☑️ Veterans Day- Nov 11th
☑️ My Birthday 🥳🎉- Nov 13th!

The sale:
Free shipping ($30 minimum)! Free Advance Review Copy of my upcoming instant classic! Up to 35% off of select items! You get first dibs since you subscribed to my blog! 🎉

All of this just in time for Christmas!

www.parent-child-connect.com/store

Thanks you for your support! 😁🤝🏾

Now for the bonus Quick Parent Tip: How to teach children to give.

Throughout the year, my wife and I do our best to teach our children the importance of giving. However, we really emphasize giving this time of year simply because a lot of people are in “receive” mode. In other words, our children are expecting to get, get, get. So we figured we should challenge the norm and emphasize giving; embracing the old phrase, “’tis the season of giving!” Here’s a few things we learned along the way (acronym- G.I.F.T.):

Give. This one seems pretty obvious, but it is a challenge nonetheless. Why? Because we all have great intentions on teaching our children how to give, but sometimes we forget to be transparent with our giving… Or we forget to give at all. I encourage you to be transparent when you generously give your time, talent, and money. Of course we are not doing this to brag but to show our children what generosity looks like.

Invite. Invite your children to join you when you give. For example this year my family and I are working with our church (Mount Ararat Church in Stafford, Virginia) to pack shoeboxes of gifts in support of Operation Christmas Child! My children are packing gifts they would enjoy and writing a letter to a child they do not know in hopes that they will bring joy to that child’s life.

Quick Parent Tip About Giving. Supporting Operation Christmas
My children are sending Crow From the Shadow along with other gifts in support of “Operation Christmas Child.”
Quick Parent Tip About Giving. Supporting Operation Christmas
My children are sending Horace the Horsefly along with other gifts in support of “Operation Christmas Child.”

Forgive. This is an odd one to mention when discussing generous giving. Yet, here I am mentioning it. By openly forgiving others, our children can see that we have a heart for people. At its core, forgiveness is the ultimate act of giving someone something whether we believe they deserve it or not. So let your children see your kindness as you forgive others.

Teach. This is arguably the most important step. Teach your children why giving is important. Make the topic relatable so it becomes less of just an annual tradition and more of a character trait. Ultimately, we want our children to be considered givers; thus, we must encourage them to give often, willingly, and without prompt.

I will leave you with this quote by Kathy Calvin:

Giving is not just about making a donation. It is about making a difference.

Let’s make a difference in someone’s life today!

Check out more great blogs like this one at: www.parent-child-connect.com/blog

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Concerned dads patrol high school, spate of fights suddenly end: ‘People started going to class’ | Fox News

Concerned dads take action! Dads on Duty. Picture source: TMZ

I saw this article, and I HAD TO share! This is exactly what my platform is all about; parents, teachers, and mentors coming together to guide and inspire our children. The concerned dads saw a need, and they took action!

“Dads on Duty” is an exceptional concept, and I pray we replicate these kind of initiatives throughout the entire world. Well done gentlemen!