Early in my career as a U.S. Marine Corps officer, I thought I knew what leadership looked like. To me, it was a boisterous demeanor, clearly articulating the “Commander’s Intent,” and being the perfect operations officer who kept everyone in line with a firm hand and a loud voice. I was getting results…or so I thought. But then, a mentor sat me down and said something that changed my life: “You are making that Marine cry with your leadership style.”

Honestly, my immediate reaction wasn’t humility. I got defensive: “We’re Marines,” I thought. “This is what we do.” But my mentor saw what I couldn’t: I was demanding compliance on his behalf, while creating a rift between his staff and the rest of his team. I was using my rank as a crutch because I didn’t yet know how to lead as a human or apply the more effective skill of leading without authority.

The “Authority Illusion”

The biggest mistake many leaders make is relying on their position to get things done. In the military, as in other professions, you can order someone to do a task, and they will likely do it. But are they doing it because they believe in the mission, or are they doing it because they fear the consequences? When you lead through authority alone, you create a silent disconnect. Your team stops sharing ideas and taking risks, and in many cases, they wait to be told what to do because you’ve signaled that their humanity and emotions don’t matter.

“Lead As If You Have No Authority”

During our discussion, Mark Graban credited Gary Convis with the idea of learning to influence others, regardless of your title or position. That same idea was the turning point for me, when I realized that true leadership begins only when you mentally take rank off the table. The resounding question for every leader is: If you didn’t have your title today, would people still follow you?

To build a team that functions even when you aren’t in the room, you have to master the art of leading without authority while prioritizing connection. This means:

• Ditching the One-Size-Fits-All Approach: What motivates a seasoned vet could shut down a new recruit. You have to know the person, not just the position.
• The Power of “I Don’t Know”: Admitting a mistake or a lack of knowledge doesn’t undermine your authority; it builds the psychological safety your team needs to thrive.
• Intentional Emotion: Yelling isn’t “being serious”; often, it’s just emotional dysregulation. A leader’s tone must be an intentional tool, not an accidental weapon.

Rank matters for structure, but influence matters for impact. If you want to lead well in 2026, you have to be willing to “Lead Last” and put the growth of your people above the power of your position.

Listen to the full story of this leadership transformation here: I Made a Marine Cry: Olaolu Ogunyemi on Leadership, Authority, and Learning from Mistakes