Let’s be honest, a lot of the modern leadership literature out there offers theoretical frameworks, but there are a few rare exceptions that are both intriguing and practical. That’s why I’m excited to share my thoughts about my latest read, Change Friendly Leadership by Dr. Rodger Dean Duncan. It is easy to see why it has garnered such overwhelming praise from industry professionals and seasoned leaders alike because it’s intellectually robust and, frankly, uncomfortably personal.

Having recently navigated the launch of my own leadership book, Lead Last, I approached this book with a specific lens. I spent the time reading it, looking for the “thread”—those universal truths that bridge the gap between corporate strategy and the intimacy of family life. What I found was a profound alignment between our philosophies, but, more importantly, a challenge to my own growth.

The Paradox of Professional Comfort

One of the most striking revelations I experienced while reading came from the author’s insights on “inquiring, curious communication.”

As a Major in the United States Marine Corps, I do my best to constantly practice deliberate communication, and I pride myself on maintaining a high standard of inquisitive, open dialogue in my professional life. However, when I evaluated my habits through the framework provided in the book, I discovered a surprising gap: I was actually performing better as a communicator at work than I was at home. Oops!

This was a humbling “aha” moment. We often assume that our most meaningful relationships (our families) naturally receive the best version of us. But the reality is that comfort can breed complacency (spoken like a typical Marine…I know). We get so comfortable with those closest to us that we lose the “curious communication” that keeps relationships healthy. We stop inquiring and start filling the knowledge gaps with assumptions because, as I’ve unwisely told my wife, “I know you and already know what you’re thinking.” I realized that my level of comfort at home had, ironically, allowed me to lower my standards for intentionality and respect.

The Practicality of the “3-5 Second Pause”

This is where Change Friendly Leadership excels. Rodgers didn’t allow his readers to get lost in the clouds of abstract philosophy. He made his book relentlessly practical. In other words, it doesn’t just tell you to change; it gives you the tools on how to change.

The concept that resonated with me most, and one I am currently integrating into my own life, is the 3-5 second pause.

It sounds elemental and even socially awkward, but in practice, it is transformative. When faced with tension, disagreement, a moment of frustration, or even a normal, non-contentious conversation, taking those few seconds to pause shifts the entire dynamic. That pause allows me to ask some critical questions: Am I being the jerk, or am I the jerk-provoker? Am I actually listening, or am I just waiting for my turn to talk?

Taking responsibility for my role in an interaction has been an eye-opening exercise in accountability. It is a tangible way to demonstrate respect and ensure that I am not just leading, but connecting.

Why This Book Matters

Change Friendly Leadership is a rare, well-rounded achievement. It is equally relevant for the CEO navigating complex organizational restructuring as it is for the parent trying to navigate the complexities of a household.

If you are a leader looking for a framework that bridges the gap between high-stakes performance and high-quality relationships, this is your next read. It’s not often that a book offers an opportunity for genuine, immediate growth, but that is exactly what Rodger has provided here.

For those of us dedicated to the craft of leadership, the work never stops. Whether it is applying the principles of Lead Last or adopting the practices found in Change Friendly Leadership, the goal remains the same: to show up, stay curious, and serve those around us with intention.

Have you ever noticed a gap between how you communicate at work versus how you communicate at home? I’d love to hear how you bridge that divide.