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4 Lessons From a Deployed Father: Military Families Magazine

Father’s Day is coming soon! As such, Military Families Magazine lent me its platform to discuss one of the many challenges that military fathers (and other service members) face while deployed. As the title, “4 Lessons from a Deployed Father” suggests, I wrote this article during a recent deployment, so you’ll quickly gain first hand insight on my personal feelings and the feelings of others who I either deployed with or met overseas.

Many of us shared a similar internal conflict that admittedly seems melodramatic. Oftentimes it is a search for purpose at home that can lead to one simple question, “Have I been replaced?” It’s a harsh reality created by a skewed perspective. However, if left unchecked, those feelings can become consuming and lead to isolation, depression, and other dangerous side effects.

I felt it was imperative to provide four lessons I have learned to apply over the years to overcome my own feelings that arise when I’m away from home for days, weeks, or months at a time. Click the button below to read the entire digital June 2023 edition of the Military Families Magazine. My article is on Page 15. Share with your deployed father, husband, or service member!

Thanks for your continued support! Enjoy!

Olaolu Ogunyemi: U.S. Marine Officer | Mentor | Best-selling Author
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Quick Parent Tip: Father’s Day Edition (Reblog)

Happy Father’s Day to all my Dads out there! We celebrate your accomplishments, sacrifices, and love today!

Let’s dive straight into today’s encouraging Quick Parent Tip for this Father’s Day weekend:

Fight for your family.

You are your family’s physical, mental, and spiritual protector. Embrace it. Fight for peace in your home and for your family’s unity and mental stability. Never stop fighting! You got this because you are not alone. I believe in you!

Accept responsibility.

You are responsible for everything that happens and fails to happen in your home. Let me be the first to tell you that this is both an honor and a burden. Regardless, keep pressing! Accept your responsibility willingly and take pride in being the leader of your home. Keep making decisions with your family’s best interest in mind.

Teach your family.

You are a great teacher and mentor for your family. You have the wisdom, knowledge, and experience to do it; just believe in yourself! Remember, more is caught than taught, so continue to set the example with your words and actions.

Hearing vs listening.

We all do it. We look up, see someone’s lips moving, and realize they have been talking to us the entire time. It’s ok. Next time, engage in active communication. Hearing is passive (i.e. your ears recognize a sound); however, listening is active. So be actively engaged in conversations today. Ask questions, nod along, mirror body language, and share the moment!

Elevate your perception of your contributions.

I know you are working your butt off, and oftentimes, it feels like it goes unnoticed. I want to encourage you to keep doing it. Your hard work, decisions, love, protection, and care are definitely making a difference. Even if no one else celebrates you this weekend, I am celebrating you right now! Great job brother! You are doing exactly what you need to be doing!

Relax and recover.

Take some time to focus on the positives–the great things you have done for your family! You have done (and continue to do) what many have turned away from. Rest well knowing that your impact is felt by more than those in your household. Society is indebted to you.

Thank you for your hard work, commitment, and sacrifices! Happy Father’s Day!

For those reading this who are not fathers, please take some time to thank a father this weekend. I promise you it means a lot!

Olaolu Ogunyemi: U.S. Marine Officer | Mentor | Best-selling Author
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A Message For the Fathers and/or Male Role Models: Thank You!

On the go? Listen to and share the audio version of “A Message For the Fathers and/or Male Role Models: Thank You!”

Happy Tuesday! I had a couple of heartening moments yesterday that I want to share as encouragement to the fathers and male role models out there. It started with my oldest daughter who told me how excited she was to share my website with her friends when given the opportunity in her Middle School class. Additionally, she received a perfect score on a writing assignment. When questioned about it, she said, “I must’ve gotten my writing skills from my dad.” It really warms my heart to see how much pride she takes in my work and accomplishments!

Later yesterday evening…

Later yesterday evening, my son had his first basketball playoff game. This is his first year playing basketball, but he has worked tirelessly to learn more and improve. His most significant improvement over the past few weeks has been his jump shot. To aide in this improvement, I showed him a hand placement trick to become more consistent and accurate. He immediately latched on to this advice and even taught a couple of his friends. So it made me proud to see him use this technique last night to score the most points he’s ever scored in a game. He made me more proud when said (after a loss), “I’m not really that sad because I scored. I can’t believe I scored all those points!”

Fathers and male role models, your actions may sometimes seem small, but your impact is eternal.

These occurrences may seem small, but they mean the world to me! Fathers and role models, it does not matter how “small” your similar stories may seem to others, it is huge for those you lead! So whether you are feeling like the best father/role model ever or you are feeling pretty down right now, you are doing an awesome job! Thank you for the sacrifices you make and for doing the “small” things that leave a lasting impact. You are awesome!

Even if you’re not a father/role model, do me a favor: find at least father and/or male role model and tell him, “you are doing a great job! Thank you!” Shake his hand, pound it, or give him a hug if you can. It will mean the world to him.

Have a great week!

https://www.parent-child-connect.com

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Concerned dads patrol high school, spate of fights suddenly end: ‘People started going to class’ | Fox News

Concerned dads take action! Dads on Duty. Picture source: TMZ

I saw this article, and I HAD TO share! This is exactly what my platform is all about; parents, teachers, and mentors coming together to guide and inspire our children. The concerned dads saw a need, and they took action!

“Dads on Duty” is an exceptional concept, and I pray we replicate these kind of initiatives throughout the entire world. Well done gentlemen!

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Here’s an encouraging message to POWER you through the rest of your week: Don’t give up!

Don't give up! Olaolu uses one of his high school photos to tell a short story of how his father's persistence paid off in the long run.
High School photo of Olaolu!

Don’t give up!

This is me in high school. Aside from the fact that I was about to dribble through a double team instead of passing the ball to the big man who had the clear size advantage; if you look closely, you will see the beginning stages of my mohawk!

My dad and Coach Johnson (assistant principal) HATED it, and their hate for my mohawk peaked when I spiked it! 😂 They were right. It was hideous and definitely outside of our high school uniform regulations. They talked to me for MONTHS before my dad finally got through to me. He taught me to look, dress, behave, and groom myself to be the person I want to be in the future vice whoever (or whatever 🥴) I was trying to look like at the time.

Moral of the story: Keep trying. Keep pushing. Keep teaching. Keep investing time. Don’t give up! It’ll pay off in the long run.

So let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up.

Galatians 6:9 NLT
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Rejection Equals Motivation!

Rejection does not rival success. It reveals the true fighter within.

-Olaolu Ogunyemi

So there I was; working on a new blog post titled, “Responding to Rejection,” when my brother (Dr. Clement Ogunyemi) posted the below on his Instagram page:

This was so powerful to me that I had to share! Dr. Clement used a simple but extremely effective tool to turn a negative circumstance into a teachable moment. Anyone else have any tools and/or stories like this?

In short, his oldest son (Ethan) was not accepted into the National Elementary Honors Society; something Ethan really wanted. So, Dr. Clement used this as a teachable moment and opportunity to encourage his son.

Moral of the story: whether you are teaching a toddler to stack blocks, introducing geometry, or helping a juvenile parolee find a job, remind the child that they CAN! We believe in them! Rejection is not the end, it is motivation! 💪🏾

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Here’s What You Don’t Know About Improving Your Family’s Mental Toughness!

Join best-selling children’s book author and Mental Toughness Expert, Niels Van Hove & best-selling children’s book author and U.S. Marine Officer, Olaolu Ogunyemi on Facebook Live as they discuss life, mental toughness, fatherhood, and more! You do not want to miss it. September 1, 2021 at 8:00 PM Eastern.

In case you missed it, here is the interview!

Here are a few links mentioned in the video:

Connect with Niels Van Hove: http://www.mentaltoughness.online/

Connect with Olaolu Ogunyemi: https://parent-child-connect.com/

“My Strong Mind” book series on Amazon:  https://www.amazon.com/My-Strong-Mind…/dp/0648085910/

“Crow From the Shadow” on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B09244VR1X/

Additional resources:
https://www.bubhub.com.au/…/how-to-develop-mental…/https://www.mamamia.com.au/make-your-children-more…/
https://www.kidspot.com.au/…/1082d37c9177d4f4cb1b700243…

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Quick Parent Tip: Build Your [Child’s] Life in Reverse

Hello great people! Recently, I was watching a movie called “Arrival” on Hulu. Here is a brief description I found on Google:

“Linguistics professor Louise Banks (Amy Adams) leads an elite team of investigators when gigantic spaceships touch down in 12 locations around the world. As nations teeter on the verge of global war, Banks and her crew must race against time to find a way to communicate with the extraterrestrial visitors. Hoping to unravel the mystery, she takes a chance that could threaten her life and quite possibly all of mankind.”

I will not give my opinion on the movie (because it is irrelevant for today’s topic). However, there was one quote at the end that got my wheels turning. 🤔

“If you could see your whole life from start to finish, would you change things?”

-Actor Amy Adams playing as Louise Banks (Arrival)

I started to pontificate on this slightly modified thought, “What if I could see ‘the end?’ Would I change what I am presently doing?” The easy answer is YES! But how?

1. Start Imagining

In “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People,” Stephen Covey said, “begin with the end in mind.” This requires foresight, imagination, and vision.

Our [your] ability to imagine in high definition is our [your] super power!

Try this: Close your eyes and see your children in the future. What kind of personality do they have? Do you know what brings them joy and fulfillment? What opportunities exist for them? Keep imagining! This is a high definition imagination moment (e.g. if you cannot taste the coffee that future you is sharing with your child[ren], just keep letting your mind wander!)

I’ll give an example. Brea and I imagine that our children will create healthy relationships, maintain a positive mental attitude, and be financially stable/free. That’s “the end,” but how do we get there??

2. Start Building (in reverse)!

Ok, so now that you have a clear picture of “the end” what do you do? You start building… in reverse!

Let’s take financial stability/freedom for example. We asked ourselves, “what does financial stability look like for our children later in life?” We imagined our children comfortably traversing through three key areas of finance: giving, saving/investing, and enjoying.

1. Giving: We truly believe Acts 20:35 that says, “…it is more blessed to give than to receive.” So not only are we extremely transparent with our giving, we encourage our children to do for others! Give their time and their talents. Give [donate] a percentage (at least 10%) of the money they earn. We want them to feel and understand the value of promoting the welfare of others.

2. Saving/Investing: I admit, this is a tough skill that requires discipline and practice, but if mastered at a young age, our children can ensure their future financial stability while building a legacy for future generations.

Currently, we are teaching our children to save using a couple of different “baskets.”

Basket (A) is call “short term savings.” The short term savings basket is used to get things that require them to save for less than ~30 days. For example, my 7 year old would work for a couple of weeks to earn enough money to purchase a $15 toy.

Basket (B) is called “long term savings.” The long term savings basket is used for things that take longer than ~30 days to save for. This is a little harder for the younger ones, but my 11 year old would work hard for a few weeks to purchase some brand new shoes…… Yea, she’s at that phase in her life. Bring back the little cute puzzles from Dollar Tree!! 😬🙄🥴… I digress.

You get the point, right? We are teaching them to consistently put money aside vice constantly working the “instant gratification” muscle (we will get to that in a second).

Lastly, we introduced my oldest to the concept of investing in mutual funds, and thanks to the Financial Literacy Flashcards by the Finance Doctor (shameless plug 🔌⚡), we have been able to teach her some valuable financial literacy terms! In the future, we will likely open a custodial Roth IRA, show her how we consistently invest for her college expenses, etc. But for now, we are slowly exposing her to the concept of long-term investing at a pace that we feel is appropriate.

3. Enjoying: This one came natural for our children–nobody had to teach them how to spend/enjoy money. And guess what? There’s nothing wrong with that! By mastering the other two key areas, our children will be able to reap the benefits of their hard work. We are not flashy people, but there are a few luxuries that we indulge in as a family so our children understand that there is nothing wrong with treating yourself! In fact, it is a must for a healthy lifestyle. Work hard, play hard!

And that’s it! That is just one of many examples of how we are building our lives in reverse. See how easy that was?!

Now it’s your turn. Give me an example of how you are (or will start) living your life in reverse!

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Quick Parent Tip: Father’s Day Edition

Happy Father’s Day to all my Dads out there!! We celebrate your accomplishments, sacrifices, and love today!

Let’s dive straight into today’s Quick Parent Tip!

Fight for your family! You are your family’s physical, mental, and spiritual protector. Embrace it. Fight for your family’s unity! Fight for their mental stability! Fight for peace in your home! Fight… Fight… Fight! You got this. Keep fighting. You are not alone. I believe in you!

Accept responsibility. You are responsible for everything that happens and fails to happen in your home. Let me be the first to tell you, this is both an honor and a burden. Regardless, keep pressing! Accept your responsibility willingly and take pride in being the leader of your home. Keep making decisions with your family’s best interest in mind.

Teach your family. You are a great teacher and mentor for your family. You have the wisdom, knowledge, and experience to do it; just believe in yourself! Remember, more is caught than taught, so continue to set the example with your words and actions.

Hearing vs listening. We all do it. We look up, see someone’s lips moving, and realize they have been talking to us the entire time. It’s ok. Next time, engage in active communication. Hearing is passive (i.e. your ears recognize there is sound, but that is it). Listening is active. You are actively engaged in the conversation. Ask questions. Nod along. Mirror body language. Share the moment!

Elevate your perception of your contributions. Listen, we men work our butts off, and oftentimes, it feels like it goes unnoticed. I want to encourage you to keep doing it! Your hard work, decisions, love, protection, and care are definitely making a difference! If no one else has celebrated you today, I am celebrating you right now!! Great job brother!

Relax and recover. Take a second today to focus on the positives–the great things you have done for your family! You have done (and continue to do) what many have turned away from. Rest well today knowing that your impact is felt by more than those in your household. Thank you! Society is indebted to you. You are and have been an integral part of your family’s success!

Happy Father’s Day!

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Quick Parent Tip About Time!

Exploring the importance of spending quality time with the ones you love!

Hey folks! I hope everyone is doing well on this beautiful Saturday evening. So, I was watching this video on Facebook, and I was reminded of how important time is!

(Sneak [screenshot] preview! LOL) A video of my two oldest children and I spending time dancing.
June 12, 2016

Here’s tonight’s tip!

Take a Break! That’s right. Unplug, turn off the phone/laptop/tablet, and give your family undivided attention.

Invest time into building intimacy with your family! Another word for “intimacy” is “closeness.” This is where you truly get to know the people you live with. Communicate. Ask questions. What makes them happy? Do you know what makes them sad? What are their interests?

Memorable moments. As a country guy from Louisiana, I became extremely familiar with losing power whenever there was a little rain. One of my fondest memories is sitting around a lantern while singing/harmonizing with my family! My parents created such beautiful moments and memories during those times. I encourage you to strive to create and capture (if you can) your own memorable experiences. Your family will appreciate it later!

Enjoy the moment! This is for the super-duper organized planners… Or those that are super-duper busy… Or whatever your “super-duper” is that distracts you. Be an active participant in creating the moment and enjoy every bit of it! Eliminate the distractions.

Alright, that’s enough for this evening. Time for me to get back to the crew. I hope you enjoyed this evening’s Quick Tip about TIME! Check out https://parent-child-connect.com/blog for more great Quick Parent Tips!

Family trampoline time!!… Almost landed it 😂🤦🏾‍♂️