Tag: inspiration

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Hope IS a Course of Action (COA)

I’ve learned and adopted many clichés throughout my military career. There’s one in particular that has been used so often that I think I say it in my sleep. It’s the response a briefer receives when he or she uses the word “hope” while communicating a plan. Without fail, someone in the room will say in one breath, “Hope’s not a COA.” That person is communicating that we cannot simply hope things will turn out the way we intend without doing the proper mission analysis and deliberate planning. That is undoubtedly sage advice regardless of industry.

As with any cliché, this one is often overused; so much so that one would assume that he or she should never use the word “hope.” I submit that though “hope” shouldn’t be an excuse to conduct inadequate planning, it is critical in our role as leaders. Let’s discuss why.

Hope defined.

Hope is defined by Oxford Languages as the “feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen.” Thereby, a team full of hopeful people is synced by members’ expectation and desire to accomplish a shared goal. Hope is the intangible yet distinguishable trait that spiritually and emotionally unites team members to believe in a common cause. It’s the quality that inspires individual actions in spite of adversity with the understanding that each action will move the team closer towards its objective. Simply put, hope is a strong belief in a certain outcome that transforms into action regardless of circumstance.

Hope diffused.

So what does a hopeful organization look like, and how do you spread hope throughout your team or organization? I’ll provide several common characteristics of a hopeful team or organization and give you some practical advice on how you can spread hope that fosters a positive and optimistic work environment below.

1. Clear mission and compelling vision:

I introduced the concept of communicating a clear mission and compelling vision in my article, Leadership Lessons from the Gridiron, published in the MMOA Magazine. This is the foundational principle because a well-defined vision and purpose inspires team members and provides a sense of direction. It also encourages team members to set measurable and achievable goals, allowing the team to track progress and celebrate achievements.

2. Transparency and empowerment:

Open, honest, and transparent communication is encouraged in hopeful organizations. This, in turn, promotes trust and understanding amongst team members and leadership. Each individual team member is empowered to take action, make decisions, and contribute to the team’s overall success. As such, a culture of collaboration and teamwork is fostered, allowing team members to work together toward common goals.

3. Learning and development:

Members on hopeful teams are typically committed to continuous learning. They understand the importance of a continuing education program to remain flexible, maintain a competitive edge, and adapt to changes in the environment, economy, or political landscape. A team that values continuous learning and personal development provides consistent opportunities for skill enhancement and personal development.

4. Inclusivity, recognition, and appreciation:

It’s unfortunate that we have politicized these topics in recent years. Efforts to prioritize diversity and inclusion are often met with stark resistance, and saying that leaders should publicly recognize and appreciate team members is often met with the ridiculous assertion that leaders are becoming “soft.” Contrarily, leaders who ensure that team members feel valued and included within the organization see a measurable uptick in productivity. This is because people are more inclined to perform when they believe they are doing purposeful work that impacts the bottom line. Recognizing and appreciating them gives them the reassurance that their efforts are not in vain. Remember, thankless jobs are only those in which you refuse to say, “thank you.”

5. Innovation and social responsibility:

A hopeful organization encourages creativity and innovation, embracing change as an opportunity for growth. Leaders challenge their teams to solve complex problems without creating lose-lose scenarios. They take the team’s social and environmental responsibilities seriously, contributing positively to the team’s overall mission.

6. Long-term perspective and crisis preparedness:

Leaders encourage team members to consider the long-term impact their decisions and actions have on the team and organization as a whole. We use a “well-defined Commander’s Intent” in the military to explain how each team’s individual actions intertwine with the overall mission. Understanding how team actions are interconnected prevents “siloed” planning and execution and positively contributes to organizational mission accomplishment. As a result, the entire organization is prepared for crises and has intertwined contingency plans in place. This creates an adaptable and resilient organization, able to weather challenges and setbacks with a positive attitude.

These characteristics collectively create a culture of hope and optimism within the organization, which can lead to increased engagement, higher productivity, and stronger, more resilient teams.

Hope deferred.

Not every team or organization is ripe with hope. A hopeless team is marked by various negative characteristics that can contribute to a pessimistic and unproductive work environment.

So, what happens when a team has no hope? Below are a few characteristics or warning signs to look out for:

1. Burnout:

A constant grind with no end or reward in sight. There is a lack of clear vision and purpose, leaving team members feeling directionless and unmotivated. There are limited opportunities for career development and personal growth within the organization. As such, a vast majority of team members simply come to work, do the bare minimum, and go home. They have little incentive or motivation to advance team objectives.

2. Poor Communication:

Many team members tend to become more inner-focused and dedicated to personal goals instead of a common goal. As such, they tend to take a siloed approach to completing tasks and communication becomes less open and streamlined. The lack of communication and transparency leads to misunderstandings, mistrust, and frustration amongst team members.

3. Wild management pendulum swing:

Leadership may be authoritarian, unsupportive, or even abusive, creating a toxic work culture. Leadership may exhibit micromanagement behaviors, stifling creativity and autonomy among team members. Team members often feel underappreciated and undervalued for their efforts and contributions. Team member well-being, including physical and mental, is often overlooked.

4. Resistance to change:

The team is resistant to change and innovation, leading to stagnation and missed opportunities for growth. This creates stagnant or declining performance, as team members gradually lose motivation and enthusiasm for their work. Many team members prioritize short-term gains over long-term organizational sustainability and success. This leads to a lack of strategic planning and conjoined execution.

5. Rigidity and unprepared for crises:

Rigidity and unprepared for crises: Due to the lack of creativity and innovation, hopeless teams become unnecessarily constrained or paralyzed by doctrine. This rigidity prevents adequate crisis preparedness and causes teams to struggle to handle unexpected challenges effectively.

6. Trust deteriorates:

All of these characteristics ultimately lead to a loss of trust and confidence in leadership, other team members, and the team’s overall purpose. This creates a culture of conflict and division where internal politics and infighting prevails. As a result, team members seek more hopeful and supportive work environments elsewhere, and the turnover rate spikes. This lack of continuity leads to a reduced ability to produce and sustain positive results.

In a hopeless organization, these characteristics can contribute to low morale, decreased productivity, and a challenging work atmosphere. Transforming such a team often requires significant changes in leadership, culture, and policies to instill a sense of hope and purpose.

Conclusion

Hope is a topic that’s commonly discussed amongst leaders, but it is incumbent upon us to apply the aforementioned fundamentals to ensure our teams remain engaged, cohesive, and focused on a common objective. Leaders must make a concerted effort to create an environment where each team member will do his or her part to positively impact the overall organization. To do so, we must be willing to prioritize one of the most critical courses of action–instilling hope.

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Distractions Causing Distance is now on the YouVersion Bible App!

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Distractions Causing Distance is now on the YouVersion Bible App!

Click here to read my latest YouVersion Bible plan and share with anyone who needs practical advice to help them along their spiritual journey!

Here are a few ways you can support:

  • Post about it on social media, and tag @youversion and @olaolu.ogunyemi.
  • Send the plan to someone and study together.
  • Use the plan as a guide/foundation for your Bible study group.

I’m partnering with YouVersion because they believe that we all can make a greater impact together. So, I’m excited to have an opportunity to reach millions through the app and see how God will use my content to encourage and challenge the YouVersion Community!

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Culturing success (Part 1): The Leadership Fundamentals

I have always been taught that leaders should strive to influence their respective organization’s “culture.” Forbes defines workplace culture (noun) as, “The shared values, belief systems, attitudes, and the set of assumptions that people in a workplace share.” Its importance transcends industries as even the most prolific football coaches adopt excellent leadership quotes like the following:

Leaders create culture. Culture drives behavior. Behavior produces results.

Urban Meyer

Even so, “influencing culture” is an abstract, seemingly mythical, and often elusive concept. It leaves us with the most basic question: “How?” To answer, I first consulted my friends in the biology profession who define “culture” (verb) differently. In biology, to “culture” is to “maintain in conditions suitable for growth.” With that in mind, I determined that a leader’s journey to influence culture involves establishing shared beliefs, values, and ideals to create an environment for individual and team growth. Our ability to create such an environment begins with an introspective look at some key leadership fundamentals.

Leadership Fundamental #1:  Exercise self-awareness and self-control.

There has been one common theme when I discuss culture with others: a toxic work environment. Toxicity in the workplace is counterintuitive as it causes distrust, angst, and disengagement. The most alarming thing that I found is that many “toxic” leaders are unaware of the true impact their actions have on those around them. This first fundamental is a reminder that we must be aware of how our actions (or inaction) impact those around us. Be open to others’ opinions and ideas as long as they align with the organization’s overall vision.

Be tempered and tactful when you respond to others. Praise in public and correct in private. These basic ideas pay dividends in the future.

Leadership Fundamental #2: Be respectable before you demand respect.

Society has taught us that we should demand respect from others. “Respect” is an admiration of the skills and qualities one uses to impact the world around them. With that said, my immediate question is, “what are you doing to impact the world around you?”

This topic reminds me of a conversation with a young recruit from Chicago who we were preparing to send home for behavioral issues. I, like many, immediately saw through his “tough guy” charade, but I was determined not to engage. It wasn’t until I directed one of the chief drill instructors to give the young recruit a broom to sweep while he was waiting for us to finish paperwork. That’s when he mumbled under his breath to me as I walked past, “This will set us back 225 years.” I couldn’t resist.

“How dare you feel like you should have a moment of solidarity with me?” I reprimanded. “You’ve done nothing but disrespect your drill instructors and misrepresent your community and family. What have you done to earn any of our respect? How have you positively impacted your community at home? Have you as the self-proclaimed ‘smartest person here’ done anything to help those around you? What makes you think you’ve earned my respect?” The rambunctious and “outspoken” recruit stood quietly with wide eyes. So I walked away as he proceeded to sweep.

I learned from that recruit.

What irritated me was a young man who voluntarily gave his word was now belligerently reneging after less than a week of training. Interestingly, after coming off of my moral high, I began to think about times when I felt I was entitled to respect. That day, I adopted the philosophy that my rank may warrant traditional military customs and courtesies, but my actions and character are the only factors that encourage others to respect me. As the old saying goes, “respect is earned–never given.”

Leadership Fundamental #3: Be firm in your beliefs and values.

A man who stands for nothing will fall for anything.

Malcolm X

I have read about several prolific leaders like Sam Walton, Jim Mattis, Malcolm X, Mother Teresa, and Walt Disney over the years. Though these leaders led in various industries, they had an unwavering dedication to their ideals. Each of these leaders faced significant odds from prison time to public embarrassment to shaming for trying to do the right thing. Yet, each of them have left an indelible legacy in their respective industries. There are two main reasons for their success.

Shared ideology.

Firstly, people long for a shared ideology so they feel like they are a part of something greater than themselves. A shared ideology is what tells a society what is morally acceptable or unacceptable. It prevents us from imploding while giving us a general direction. This is why we hear reoccurring topics when political debates and discussions occur. It is an attempt for our society to align ideals. The most successful organizations are led by individuals or a team of individuals who create and teach ideals that the vast majority aligns to.

Structure.

Secondly, people love structure. Have you ever followed a leader that seemed scatterbrained? I have, and it was exhausting. It seemed as if we never made any progress; we simply reacted to whatever challenges the day presented. It left us unsure what or who to believe in. I usually say these leaders have a “napkin in the wind” belief system. They follow whatever seems right that day, and take the entire organization on a wild ride.

Conversely, I have followed more leaders who had a clear belief system that they firmly followed–even when it looked as if it would fail. It made the leader predictable and gave us the freedom to take independent actions that aligned with firm ideals to influence success. These are the organizations that usually trade wild swings (whether positive or negative) for steady progress over time.

Leadership Fundamental #4: Show love and patience.

I’ve talked about love and patience several times before because these are critical aspects of any leadership discussion. I introduced my thoughts on love during a podcast interview with J. Fuller. I defined the word “love” as “sacrificing one’s life (time, ego, emotions, and efforts) for another’s wellbeing.” In another post, Overflow Account: How to develop healthy relationships that develop healthy relationships, I explained that patience requires action as we build our capacity to accept delay without frustration.

As such, love and patience allow leaders to prioritize individual growth by providing resources, space, and grace.

Leadership Fundamental #5: Don’t gossip.

Often those that criticize others reveal what he himself lacks.

Shannon L. Alder

As leaders we must be intentional about what we say; especially when we are talking to and/or about those we lead. Nothing is more toxic than a little gossip. Whether we mean to or not, we all can fall victim to gossiping about someone else. Gossip is often the result of insecurities, intimidation, and the need to highlight one’s faults to overshadow your own. The problem is, gossip betrays trust–which is the glue that holds any team together. Thus, when we gossip or allow gossip to occur, trust amongst team members and in the organization deteriorates which lessens productivity.

If you were to ask ten people within an organization how they’d feel if they knew their leader was gossiping about them, the least confrontational answer you would receive is, “I don’t care. I’ll just do my job and go home.” Even this answer implies that the individual is disconnected from and dispassionate about the organization. It’s important to note that a dysfunctional organization is made up of disconnected and dispassionate individuals. So in order to maintain a highly functional organization, we must identify and eradicate all roots of gossip.

Leadership Fundamental #6: Take care of your home.

There were a couple of songs that came to mind when I thought of this topic. The first says, “Sweep around your own front door before you try to sweep around mine.” (Song by The Williams Brothers). The other says, “I’m starting with the man in the mirror.” (Song by Michael Jackson). These two catchy songs have a similar message that forces us to take an introspective look at how we conduct business in our own organization.

The first song is likely a spin-off of the Bible verse in Mathew that uses an analogy to tell us that we should focus on improving our own organization before looking at ways to improve someone else’s. Sometimes, we become enamored with and distracted by what other organizations are doing. Contrarily, we should identify our own sustains and improves and take the appropriate actions. Michael Jackson echoed that same sentiment in his song as he reminded us that change begins internally.

One of the biggest myths is that taking appropriate actions require us search for solutions that are external to our organization. However, research has shown that numerous successful organizations thrive on employee-generated solutions. That could mean promoting from within, restructuring the organization, or firing those who no longer align with the company’s ideals or goals. I called this “grooming for growth.” You develop, resource, and prepare employees to build the company and brush away the loose ends and dead weight.

When I worked as a computer programmer/analyst at Tyson Foods Inc., the CEO at the time, Donnie Smith, would say, “The answer is always in the room.” This is the art of using past experiences to inform future successes instead of allowing the same experiences to fuel fear of the unknown.

Leadership Fundamental #7: Be an example. Let your actions reflect your words.

People are constantly watching and examining whether or not our actions align with our words. This is by far one of the easiest ways to gain or lose trust and support as a leader. I’m more willing to follow a leader who sets and achieves his or her own high standards. In turn, it encourages me to do the same, and eventually this attitude pervades the organization and becomes its identity. That is the ultimate goal for the successful leader: To develop an environment where individuals are inclined to set and achieve high standards that align with the organization’s ideals and goals.

It’s easier to measure what we’ve told people than it is to measure how we’ve changed people. It is easier to preach to people than to practice with them.

Eric Greitens in Resilience

Leaders are change agents, because we are empowered to stimulate growth. Our leadership abilities heighten when we transform our knowledge into intentions and allow our intentions to become consistent actions (remember “Establishing Winning Habits?”). This is an all-encompassing fundamental because our actions (not words alone) will either support or detract from our overall goal to create an environment for individual and team growth.

Therefore, I encourage you to take action today to apply these fundamentals to culture success in your organization. Success and growth begin with you!

Olaolu Ogunyemi: U.S. Marine Officer | Mentor | Best-selling Author

The Leadership Corner (Blog)

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Providing Your Children the Support They Need.

I’m excited to share my latest article with you! My friends at Stand For the Silent gave me another opportunity to share my opinion. This time, I discussed how we can provide our children the support they need. This topic is extremely important to me because I believe our support is the foundation upon which our children build their lives. Therefore, our children rely upon our support to effectively navigate the obstacles and opportunities in life.

Check out https://standforthesilent.org or click the link below to read the full article!

Providing Your Children the Support They Need.

Other Articles I’ve Shared on the Stand For the Silent Platform.

Stand For the Silent has really opened their [virtual] doors to me and the parent-child-connect platform! It’s always fun to collaborate with visionaries who share a common goal. Their message, “I AM SOMEBODY” perfectly aligns with my goal to remind people to “Never, EVER, forget your worth!” Ultimately, we share a common goal to raise awareness about issues that impact our children and provide resources for parents, teachers, mentors, and caregivers to develop a positive relationship with their children to lead them through life’s many challenges.

Here are the other articles I shared.:

How to Raise Inquisitive Children
How to build a trusting relationship with your children

What is Stand For the Silent?

I have introduced Stand For the Silent before on my platform, but here is a brief description from their About Us page. It won’t take you very long to figure out why I love collaborating with this organization!:

Ty Field-Smalley

Stand for the Silent was started in 2010 by a group of high school students in Oklahoma City, OK, after they heard the story of Kirk and Laura Smalley’s son, Ty Field- Smalley. At eleven years-old, Ty took his own life after being suspended from school for retaliating against a bully that had been bullying him for over two years. Stand for the Silent exists as a platform to allow Kirk and Laura to share their story, and offer education and tools that will prevent their tragedy from happening to another child and family. Kirk and Laura’s mission is to continue to change kids’ lives and bring awareness to bullying and the real devastation it causes.

Since May 2010, Kirk and Laura Smalley have traveled to over 1,000 schools and spoken with over 1,000,000 kids! On March 10, 2011, Kirk and Laura met privately with President Obama and First Lady Michelle Obama in The White House prior to attending the first ever White House conference on bullying.

The Program

The Stand For The Silent (SFTS) program addresses the issue of school bullying with an engaging, factual, and emotional methodology. With the help of student leaders, Kirk Smalley presents his inspirational story, and students are shown first-hand the life and death consequences of bullying. Through this unique approach, lives are changed for the better. Students, some for the first time, develop an empathetic awareness through education and understanding.

The goal of the program is to start a SFTS chapter at each participating site. Each chapter consists of a group of students committed to change. These students will no longer stand for their peers to suffer at the hands of a bully. At the end of each event, pledge cards are given to those who agree to stand for the silent. The pledge speaks of respect and love…hope and aspiration. Above all, it illustrates the main lesson taught through the Stand For The Silent program: I AM SOMEBODY.

Go support this organization!

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Men’s Mental Health: Good Dads podcast, blog, and FREE eBook!

My brother, Dr. Clement Ogunyemi, and I are excited to announce our most recent partnership with the Good Dads nonprofit organization in Springfield, MO! Good Dads has dedicated the entire year to men’s mental health, so we are elated to be a part of these efforts at such a pivotal time.

The Men’s Mental Health interview.

Clement and I were both extremely transparent during this conversation-style interview. In less than 25 minutes, we discussed depression, counseling, family, self-esteem, and more! Our hope is that we can encourage and inspire other men to free themselves from societal norms, and seek the help they need to focus on their mental health and become stronger. Why? Because you have to focus on personal development before you can pour into anyone else. That was the focal point of the entire interview–self care.

The full interview was originally posted at: https://gooddads.libsyn.com/e469-the-ogunyemi-brothers

The Men’s Mental Health blog.

You will hear us reference a book throughout the interview. Well, that book is none other than the “Three Day Mental Health Guide: Major Payne Edition. A leader’s journey to building mentally strong children.” We created this journal-style eBook to help parents, teachers, and mentors lead their children on a positive mental health journey. This guide is completely free to download and has been shared all over the world! You can download your own copy below.

Good Dads was gracious enough to share “Day 1” of our guide. Day 1 helps leaders introduce the “mental health” topic. Mental health should no longer be a taboo topic–especially with men. We must continue to be open about our mental health journey and prioritize mental resiliency the way we prioritize physical resiliency.

Discussing mental health should be revered, not feared.

Here is the full blog: https://www.gooddads.com/mental-health/a-leaders-journey-to-building-mentally-strong-children-day-1-a-tough-topic

Three_Day_Mental_Health_Guide_Major_Payne_Edition_JournalDownload your FREE
Mental Health Guide!

WHAT IS GOOD DADS?

I would be remiss if I didn’t provide more information about the organization behind these noteworthy initiatives. Here is a short blurb about what Good Dads is. Find out more about this great nonprofit organization–to include how to donate– by visiting https://www.gooddads.com/about-us!

Good Dads is the only organization in Southern Missouri focused on helping all dads be more engaged with their children. It began when business leaders in Springfield, Missouri recognized the impact of father absence on child well-being and came together for the purpose of supporting father engagement.

Good Dads is a 501(c)(3) nonprofit that aims to encourage fathers by providing inspiration, resources and events to help dads be the best they can be.

Good Dads brochureDownload PDF
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Achieve your goals this year! One day, one rep at a time.

Today, I am inspired to write after finishing yet another great workout! However, I also realized this is my 100th post! 🥳🎉 I started this blog unsure what to write about, so it is unreal to know I have already published so many articles. Guess I had a lot to talk about after all lol. There are numerous topics I can discuss on this one hundredth post, but there is one topic that has been on my mind throughout the week: how do we achieve the goals we set for the new year?

Many of us view the new year as a refresh and an opportunity to set and pursue new goals. Some of us use the new year to reset and recommit to pre-existing personal and professional goals. Either way, many of us are in fresh pursuit of our goals! However, if you’re anything like me, some of those goals are daunting and overwhelming to even think about. If that’s you, I want to quickly encourage you to adopt and apply the “one day, one rep” methodology.

How do you achieve your goals this year? One day, one rep at a time.

Where does “one day, one rep” come from?

I spend a fair amount of time in the gym–around 10 hours per week. As such, it has become a lifestyle, hobby, and necessity for me. Seriously, my entire week is discombobulated if I miss one day 😬. Because it has become habitual, there are times that my workout routine can become monotonous and unexciting and my “gains” stagnate. For that reason, I am constantly tweaking my workout routine to meet new strength and/or physique goals.

Without fail, I find myself flexing in the mirror after every workout–including the first day. Of course there’s no noticeable change. Yet, I wake up early the next day and execute my workout routine even more diligently than the day before.  I usually start to see and feel minor changes after a couple of weeks. Many inspirational leaders would simply say that you should use those minor changes as motivation to continue exercising day after day. The issue is the change you see and feel will be so minor that you may feel discouraged–especially when the soreness lingers. That discouragement makes it harder and harder to muster up the strength and motivation to exercise the next day, and your goals stagnate.

That’s where my one day, one rep methodology comes in handy.

When I flex in the mirror, I flex to measure my progress and dream, not to simply motivate myself. My motivation is based upon how challenging the workout is each day. For example, I focus on the rhythm of each stride when I’m doing wind sprints for my cardiovascular workout. Another example is I focus on how my targeted muscle group contracts on each repetition while I’m lifting weights. Overall, I recognize that the rhythm of my stride and the contractions are what will cause me to reach my ultimate goals.

I know some of you are already wondering, “What does this have to do with setting and achieving my goals in 2023?!” If you’ve been following my platform for any length of time, you know that’s exactly where I’m going next!

How does the one day, one rep methodology apply to you accomplishing your goals in 2023?

This mentality applies whether you want to build muscle, become more patient, get a promotion, find a new job, or any other goal! Here’s how to to apply it.:

The phases for setting and achieving goals!

I am going to introduce an easy-to-remember (and slightly cheesy) acronym to discuss the phases of setting and achieving goals. I will place more emphasis on the execution phase. You ready?

Successfully achieving our goals is DOPE!

Dream

Have a clear vision of what achieving your goal looks like. Maybe that means identifying someone who has been where you are trying to go, reading books, watching movies, reading articles, or doing whatever it takes to boost your imagination. You have to clearly see future you after accomplishing whatever goal you set! I’m encouraging you to dream in such high definition that you can physically feel yourself in that future moment. Sounds crazy right? Not really. That’s one reason I stare in the mirror after each workout; I am picturing what “success” looks like and I encourage you to do the same.

Offload

Brain dump every aspect of your dream! This is why the clarity and high definition vision are important. Focus on what you see in your vision, not how you are going to achieve it. We will address the latter soon. Imagine you’re an artist painting the world around you. Don’t worry about structure or a template during this phase. The purpose of this phase is to simply write out every single aspect of your dream. Try not to omit a single detail.

Honestly, this phase can be both fun and overwhelming. For me, the offload phase can create a range of emotions because I get really excited, then overwhelmed when I start to cheat forward to the plan phase, then I get excited again once I realize I don’t have to worry about “how” yet. Writing down your dream or vision in detail is a crucial step, so do your best to stay focused and inspired by your dream!

Plan

This is the first time you have to apply the reality of your expertise and resources to your dream. Sometimes, it can be the most discouraging phase as you feel like you have to completely erase portions of the dream you offloaded in the last step. Before you do that, slow down. You may not have the knowledge or expertise, but there is someone out there who does. Be creative as you add structure to the dream you offloaded.

Before I begin planning, I like to highlight four “legs” or critical aspects of each dream. Similar to a chair, without all four legs being equally balanced, the overall goal will rock and eventually fall. Each of these “legs” are similar to the “mini-goals” I described in “You CAN Make it Through These Dark Times! PART 2- How to Conquer Adversity, Anxiety, and Toxic thoughts.” The difference is these legs aren’t necessarily sequential, but they are required to achieve your overall goal. For example, if my goal is to lose weight and build muscle, the four legs I would identify are diet, cardiovascular workouts, strength training, and rest. Then, I would go through the first three phases (Dream, Offload, and Plan) for all four of those legs.

The next step is to conduct research on how to accomplish each of the legs. Here are the eight questions I want you to answer for each leg.:

  1. What does achievement or success look like in the end?
  2. Are you in the right physical, spiritual, and mental position to accomplish this goal?
  3. Why do you want to accomplish this goal?
  4. How does this goal align to your overall purpose?
  5. Who is involved?
  6. Who needs to be involved?
  7. What sequential steps do you need to take?
  8. How long will it take to complete?

Execute

You know the “aha!” feeling you get when you’re watching a movie and one of the characters says the title? Well, we’ve made it to the last phase–the execution phase–and it’s time to reveal the title!

Make every rep count!

Many of us naturally feel refreshed and rejuvenated by the idea of getting a fresh start each day. Build upon that momentum! Wake up every morning and affirm this:

Today is a new day and a fresh opportunity to achieve my goals! Yesterday is gone; I won’t dwell on my mistakes, but I will build upon my momentum. Tomorrow’s challenges remain unknown, so I will live in the moment to set myself up for success tomorrow. I will make every rep count today!

That’s exactly how I want you to prep your mind every morning. You should execute a small portion of your plan each day if your goal is important to you. Those small actions (“reps”) accumulate over time and result in you achieving your goals. That means you must be laser-focused and apply all your energy into each rep.

Coach Waldron, my high school basketball coach, would always say something that has stuck with me over the years, “the next game on our schedule is the most important game of the year.” That means that no matter how talented or unskilled the next team was, we would have to recalibrate our minds and focus our efforts on solely preparing for the next team. I apply this same logic to accomplishing my goals. We have to be laser focused on completing the current reps regardless of how challenging the future may appear to be.

Trust the process. Failure is not fatal.

Even with the daily affirmations, focus, and energy, some days will feel like big wins while others feel like significant losses. The most important thing is that we remember that whatever sacrifices we made that day were worth it. The true victory comes from the fact that you did your best, and your best is good enough. You made progress even if you feel like you failed! Though often unplanned, failure is an important part of the process because it presents an opportunity for you to learn, tweak the plan as required, and grow. For that reason, failure is not fatal; it’s fabulous!

I get it though; failure rarely feels good. It causes a bit of a rollercoaster effect on our emotions. Well, I’ll have to borrow an encouraging message that I got from my brother, Joshua Ogunyemi, in his book tough times don’t last, TOUGH PEOPLE DO.:

“Rollercoasters are fun! We have had a blast raising Kennedy. Yes, it’s been scary at times. Yes, it’s been a bumpy ride. But that’s why we love rollercoasters, right?! We stand in line patiently for ‘ it doesn’t matter how long,’ push past the fear and anxiety, then buckle ourselves in and enjoy the ride. That’s the mindset you have to take into your tough times.”

Joshua Ogunyemi, tough times don’t last, TOUGH PEOPLE DO

If you want to read more about overcoming rejection and failure, I talked about failure a bit more in a previous article titled, “How do you Respond to Rejection and Failure?“

Dedicate time and remain focused, committed, and consistent.

Accomplishing your goals gets tougher as time progresses. For many, it’s the combination of slower than expected progress, failures, change in priorities, loss of focus, reduction of resources, and tiredness that impedes our ability to accomplish our goals. This is where having a strong “why” and aligning your goals to your overall purpose comes in handy. Your “why” and purpose are the driving forces behind your daily reps. Keep them posted in a location you visit often–whether that be your refrigerator door, your office computer, or the “to-do” list in your phone. Commit yourself to continuing a lifelong pursuit of your purpose.

Once you remember your why, ensure you have a set time each day to work towards your goal. This not only helps you settle into a new routine, but it becomes a forcing function for you and everyone else to respect your time and boundaries. Additionally, having a set time and routine produces the consistency you need to achieve your goals.

Measure and celebrate progress.

“Before” and “After” pictures have become a staple in the fitness community. The bigger the difference in the pictures, the more inspiring they appear to be. The minor changes are the ones we tend to overlook and underestimate. That’s where I want you to focus. Create reliable metrics to validate your progress, but don’t forget the warning I gave you in “You CAN Make it Through These Dark Times! PART 2- How to Conquer Adversity, Anxiety, and Toxic thoughts.” Remember, be keenly “aware and selective of what (or whom) you allow to validate your efforts.” But when you do record progress, celebrate it like there’s no tomorrow. To some it may seem small, but you are celebrating the fact that you made progress when many people have already given up on their goals…fourteen days into the new year.

Keep pressing and pursuing your goals this year! I have no doubt that you will be one of the success stories as you achieve whatever behemoth goal you dreamt of accomplishing. I believe in you!

Thanks for reading!

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Say what you mean and mean what you say because your words mean things.

Somehow, 2022 is already over! So many great things transpired throughout the year to include: 1. I published my third children’s book (“Billy Dipper’s Time to Shine”). 2. I won a writing award (“Mutter Marines Command and Control Writing Award”). 3. I celebrated my 10th wedding anniversary. 4. I welcomed additional guest bloggers like my wife Brea, Benjamin C. Fields, Jesse Iwuji, and my brother and illustrator, Josh. 5. I was promoted to major in the Marine Corps. 7. I added additional FREE Downloadable Resources at https://parent-child-connect.com/free-resources. 8. Much, much more! Even so, I am expecting greater things in 2023! I–like many of you–am ending this year with positive affirmations and goals for the next year. If you know me, you know that I am a firm believer in speaking things into existence; therefore, I will be extremely selective with my words. Why? Because, words mean things.

Words Mean Things.

I believe I first heard the expression “words mean things” from a Marine officer. Although I cannot remember his name or rank, I definitely mumbled, “thanks a lot for that sound wisdom Captain Obvious.” I didn’t miss his point though. We often say things without checking our tone, the accuracy of our words, the way the words will be perceived, or our ability to follow through. This would be a great article for politicians and reporters, but I digress. I want to take this opportunity as you prepare to bring in 2023 to encourage you to say what you mean and mean what you say.

Begin with introspection. Ask yourself these questions.:

  • What do people see and hear when I open my mouth?
  • Am I consistently reflecting my personal values and the values of the religion I profess, the organizations I support, and my family?
  • Are people compelled to follow me based upon what I say?
  • Do the people I lead feel like they will be heard when they talk to me?
  • Do the people I lead think I ramble and waste words or use my words wisely?
  • Do I sound competent and confident when I speak?

It’s important to ask these questions and search for an honest, objective answer. (Having someone in your corner who will give this answer is key). Overall, we need to examine whether or not the person we’re presenting is the person we intend to present to others. Oftentimes, we find that is not the case. The words we both consciously and innately speak reflect who we truly are. Therefore, beginning with introspection allows us to get to know ourselves by taking inventory of what we say. This introspection also allows us to focus on a few key factors as we learn to become more intentional with our words and live up to the positive words and affirmations we declare for the new year.

You brood of snakes! How could evil men like you speak what is good and right? For whatever is in your heart determines what you say. A good person produces good things from the treasury of a good heart, and an evil person produces evil things from the treasury of an evil heart.

Matthew 12:34‭-‬35 NLT

Garbage in Garbage out (GIGO).

I remember learning this concept from Dr. Marv Brown during my COBOL computer programming classes. The meaning is self-explanatory; incorrect or poor quality input will always produce faulty output. This same logic applies to life in general. You will always waste words if you are constantly listening to inaccurate or faulty information that makes you feel inferior or superior to others or provides a one-sided opinion. Broaden your horizons by reading things you may not initially agree with or having hard discussions with others without getting offended. This is the only way to learn, form your own opinion, and say meaningful words.

Hurt people hurt people.

This is another common phrase that carries a lot of meaning. In other words, the bitterness, rage, anger, jealousy, condescending tone etc. may be the result of past hurts. Check your words for signs of past hurts, and you’ll probably be surprised what you find. How do you do that? Think about some of the most harsh things people have told you. How did those words make you feel in that moment? How do they make you feel now? What is your reaction to similar harsh words (whether to you or someone else)? Have you said something similar to someone? How do you interact with others in relation to the “harsh” topic?

These are just a few questions to help you not only identify the root of your hurt, but it will help you see how that hurt still impacts everyone you interact with. The only way to truly replace bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, slander, and evil behavior with kindness and forgiveness is to address the root of the pain. As always, I recommend that you hire a professional counselor to help you throughout this portion of your journey.

“Say less”: choose quality over quantity.

One of my favorite series that I have ever written is the “Distractions Causing Distance [From God]” journal series (download yours for FREE). Therein, I described how daily distractions are causing us to be more distant from God and others. On day three, I specifically discussed how our words are causing us to disconnect from others. I offered three T’s to check before you speak: Time… Type… Tone.:

  • Time: Is it the right time to speak or should you just be quiet?
    • Take inventory. How much of your time have you spent socializing in comparison to growing your relationship with God and others?
  • Type: Ephesians 4:29 NLT says, “Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.”
    • What kind of conversations are you having? Are you giving encouraging words to everyone you encounter? 
  • Tone: Are you addressing the situation in the best manner possible? Are you using the “gentle answer” described in Proverbs 15:1?

The right to speak does not take precedence over saying the right thing with the right attitude at the right time.

Set a goal and follow through.

Make a plan, stick to the plan, always deliver!

Storks

This is the second time I have quoted that line from the movie Storks on my blog. (No, I do not receive any kickback for mentioning the movie (although I would gladly collaborate *hint hint, Warner Bros.) I specifically love the part where one of the main characters prepared to deliver a package with a broken wing. This was, of course, the beginning of a long series of unfortunate events before the “package” was finally safely delivered to its destination. Storks reminds me of the one certainty in life: we will all encounter obstacles that will challenge us to remain committed to our words.

2023 will not be an exception to that rule. The question we have to answer is will we give up, or will we find a way to follow through on what we say? Obviously, I encourage you to do the latter. It will get hard, but that is ok. The resistance you feel is there to make you stronger. You are tough enough to overcome any challenges that come your way, because “when the going gets tough, the tough gets going!”

I know, I’m just full of cliches today! But cue Billy Ocean!

Billy Ocean – When the Going Gets Tough, the Tough Get Going (Official Video)

Speak blessings and positive affirmations.

Remember: words mean things, so stop whining and complaining! Complaining does very little to help you achieve your goals, and your whining may be the very thing that stops you from winning. Instead, use words that will positively impact your future. I found this wonderful summary from http://www.ymcansw.org as the author beautifully wrote about “The Importance of Affirmations.” :

“Affirmations have the power to motivate you to act on certain things, help you to concentrate on achieving your goals in life, give you the power to change your negative thinking patterns and replace them with positive thinking patterns, assist you in accessing a new belief system, but above all, affirmations can reaffirm the positivity back into your life and help regain or increase your self-confidence.”

Ryan Tanti | The Y NSW

So speak out! Use your words to positively impact everyone you come into contact with. Say what you mean by setting your goals with a purpose. Mean what you say by relentlessly pursuing your goals for next year. Make 2023 the year you dominate every situation you encounter. I believe in you!

Thanks for reading! I wish you a wonderful, prosperous, and blessed 2023!

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You CAN Make it Through These Dark Times! PART 2- How to Conquer Adversity, Anxiety, and Toxic thoughts.

I wasn’t originally planning on releasing a part two, but after receiving feedback from you beautiful people, I decided to continue the conversation and discuss how to conquer adversity, anxiety, and toxic thoughts.

As you already know, life is a journey. In Part 1 (Click here for Part 1), we discussed a quote by award-winning poet, Theodore Roethke: “In a dark time, the eye begins to see.” As I continued to read and think about this topic, it reminded me of a challenging hike I completed when I was doing the Mission Trails Regional Park 5-peak challenge in Santee and La Mesa, CA. It was not the most physically demanding thing I have done (U.S. Marine Corps training will push you to your limits), but there were definitely a few extremely challenging portions.

The Journey

There was one particular portion of the North Fortuna Mountain that gets fairly steep; especially after inclement weather. The natural competitor in me forced me to complete this trail numerous times…but the first time was not a pretty sight! When I first approached this portion of the trail, I heard a loud, Drill Instructor-esque voice in my head yell, “attack the hill!” So I looked down and began charging up the steep incline that led to the summit–pumping my arms and power breathing as I went. I kept my head down in hopes that this would somehow help me magically arrive at the plateau quicker. Unfortunately, this was not reality. The further I hiked, the steeper the incline became. After about two minutes, my legs were burning, I was panting, and I was raining sweat.

I finally glanced up… I was definitely not as close as I thought I’d be. In fact, I hadn’t made much progress at all! So I had a choice to make. You see, I had already determined I was going to finish the hike. (Once I put my mind to it, it is going to happen!) Turning back wasn’t an option, but I had another decision to make: how should I motivate myself to complete this hike? Should I focus solely on the plateau? How long will I dwell on my progress (or lack thereof)? Should I closely monitor my progress as I continue to go forward?

I chose the latter and restarted my journey. After a couple more minutes, I checked my progress. When I looked back I initially thought, “I haven’t gone anywhere!” Then, I noticed some people who were close to where I started. “Those people look small,” I thought. “I am further along than I thought!” That’s all I needed to continue pushing! So I started to hike again–looking back every 5-10 steps or so to see if the people behind me were getting even smaller. After another couple minutes passed, I decided to look up to see how far I made it. “You haven’t gone anywhere!” I exclaimed to myself. The tree I marked during my last break was still relatively close. I made less progress this time than I did before my first stop.

This is where I started to feel sorry for myself. “I am doing my best to get in better shape, and I cannot even motivate myself to get past this hill!” That’s when it hit me. I could not efficiently move forward while gazing at the things behind me. While I was glancing back, I found myself slipping on loose sand, stumbling over rocks, and falling off the path. In hindsight, this made my journey even more rigorous!

I could not efficiently move forward while gazing at the things behind me.

The Winning Strategy to conquer adversity, anxiety, and toxic thoughts!

With that in mind, I developed a new winning strategy that would eventually help me overcome this challenge and subsequently make it to the summit. Before I restarted, I established what I called “checkpoints” or “mini-goals” along the path where I would rest and reflect (i.e. celebrate my progress). While hiking, I paid close attention to where I stepped; ensuring I constantly progressed as each step was on solid or compacted soil. Lastly, I kept my overall goal in mind: reach the North Fortuna summit, take a picture, and enjoy sunrise and the peaceful nature around me. It is important to note, this portion of the trail did not get any less steep or challenging; however, I knew I had the winning strategy to conquer this adverse situation and achieve my goal.

There are a few things I learned from that hike that I believe are helpful…

  1. Rest and reflect. One of the biggest contributors to successfully completing this hike was implementing my mini-goals. I set my sights on several large rocks, trees, or recognizable features along the trail and said, “do not stop until you reach that mini-goal.” Once I reached my mini-goal, I did a small celebration to commemorate my progress. In essence, I broke my journey into manageable chunks that I could physically achieve and implemented preplanned opportunities to refresh my mental resiliency. The stops were not long; just quick enough to catch my breath and celebrate my progress. As goes life. Schedule quick moments to rest and reflect on progress, then keep pushing towards your ultimate goal!
  2. Live in the moment. While grappling with today’s challenges, we cannot allow ourselves to be burdened by yesterday’s news or overwhelmed with tomorrow’s issues. Focus on traversing the path ahead of you and achieving your mini-goals instead of gazing at the things behind you or worrying about tomorrow’s uncertainties.
  3. Be aware and selective of what (or whom) you allow to validate your efforts. I was gauging my success on the trail off of someone else. In retrospect, those people were taking pictures, enjoying nature, strolling, and most importantly, they didn’t even take the same trail. We currently live in a society where it is easy to allow likes, shares, comments, money, and praise to validate us. The issue is those things are temporary. We should only find validation in things that are permanent (e.g. your purpose in life). For me, it is inspiring others. My efforts are validated when my children’s books, blog posts, speaking engagements, and my platform in general inspires someone else to pursue their own goals and dreams!
  4. Don’t lose sight of your goal. My overall goal was to reach the summit, and I did! No matter how challenging the journey, never forget where you are going. Your “why” is what drives you day to day. Your “where” is what makes the journey worth it! You can and will achieve all of your goals! Believe in yourself!

Have a fantastic week, and know that you CAN and WILL make it through these dark times!

Want a little help making it through these dark times?

I partnered with my friend Deb Kartz during her Conquer Anxiety & Toxicity 21-day virtual summit to give you proven strategies to conquer anxiety & toxicity! I embedded the 2-part YouTube series below! Enjoy!

Register for FREE to learn more winning strategies!
Watch my two-part series with Deb Kartz as we discussed how to conquer anxiety & toxicity! (Embedded below)

Anxiety and toxicity are just another way that sneaky “shadow” tries to creep into our life and our children’s lives. As my Amazon best-seller Crow From the Shadow says, “The Shadow is a person… or maybe a thing… or a place. The Shadow tells me who to be, how to go, and where to stay.” Not anymore! In this two-part series, we expose that sneaky shadow and kick ’em to the curb! Watch these FREE interviews as we #defeattheshadow to conquer anxiety and toxicity!

Conquer Anxiety & Toxicity with Deb Kartz and U.S. Marine/best-selling author, Olaolu Ogunyemi (P1)
Conquer Anxiety & Toxicity with Deb Kartz and U.S. Marine/best-selling author, Olaolu Ogunyemi (P2)
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You CAN Make it Through These Dark Times! PART 1- Just Shine Your L.I.G.H.T.

It is no secret: we are living in dark times. It seems like every time there is light at the end of the tunnel, a dark shadow is cast to make the sunshine look more like a small flickering candle. The darkness of that shadowy tunnel seems to surround and embrace us until the small flickering light becomes nothing more than an irrelevant annoyance. I use this symbolism because for many of us, the darkness in the world parallels our hardships (physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual). The flickering light (hope/anticipation that it is going to get better) is more annoying than helpful. It just seems so much easier to give up. Right?

One day as I was meditating (as I do every morning), I received a quote from inspiringquotes.com:

“In a dark time, the eye begins to see.”

Theodore Roethke

I found that quote to be a bit oxymoronic. Darkness is the absence of light. Scientifically speaking, without illumination human vision is unable to distinguish anything. So what is Mr. Roethke talking about?!

I was intrigued, so I did a little research. That quote is actually the first line in the poem “In a Dark Time” by Theodore Roethke. Click here to read the full poem if you are interested. If you do not know who Theodore Roethke is, he is an award-winning American poet who “helped to produce a remarkable body of work that would influence future generations of American poets to pursue the mysteries of one’s inner self.” When he was only 14, his uncle died by suicide and his dad died of cancer. This had a significant impact on his life and influenced his work. (That brief bio does not do his life’s work justice! Read more here.)

I gave that quick background to highlight that his quote has credence, but that still left me wondering, “how does the eye begin to see in darkness?” That question led me to my own philosophy: we can create our own light in times of darkness. How? Allow me to introduce an easy to remember acronym: L.I.G.H.T.

Light at the end of the tunnel.

The first thing I will challenge you to do is shift your perspective of the “light at the end of the tunnel.” It is easy to view the light as simply an escape or exit from dark times. We exclaim, “if I can only make it to that light, I will be out of here!” The issue with that simplistic view is it does not allow room for “life.” Some days we feel like we make significant progress, but most days we trip, stumble, and sometimes fall as we focus on the exit and not the things around us. That makes the light seem like a distant dream or “hope deferred” as the great Maya Angelou called it.

Take another look. Don’t just view the light as a means to the end; instead, view the light as a tool that reveals the things around you. At times, that light may seem distant, but in times of darkness, even the smallest light will expose the stumbling blocks that lurk in the shadow. When you view the light as a resource, you begin to learn and grow from the dark environment. You begin to recognize and quickly step over stumbling blocks in your path that you previously would have missed! So yes, the light is the means to the end but it is also the tool that illuminates your path.

Inspiration.

What inspires you? What is your “why?” We get tired sometimes as we traverse through the dark tunnel. We ask ourselves, “what’s the point?” That’s when our inspiration kicks in! It pushes us to limits we did not know we had. It drives us along our illuminated path.

So how do you find what inspires you?

  • Surround yourself with positive people who are headed in the same direction.
  • Think about the issues you are passionate about changing.
  • Find people you can help lead through dark times.

Our inspiration is usually centered around the value we bring to others. We all have a calling or purpose that is bigger than just us. Allow that calling or purpose to be your inspiration.

Growth.

My good friend and popular Artist, Aha Gazelle, said it best, “the hardest thing about growing is you can’t feel the movement.” (Song: Invitation by Aha Gazelle) That is such a profound message and fundamental truth. I remember how it felt when I started playing basketball as a young child. I knew you didn’t have to be tall to play basketball, but it was a huge help! So everyday I would stand against the wall and record my height with a pencil. It was very discouraging because I could not see or feel the growth. Eventually, I started to measure my height out of habit instead of anticipation. It wasn’t until I looked back after a few months and noticed my pencil mark moved a little higher. I was thrilled! “I grew overnight!” I thought.

That’s a fairly humorous comparison, but don’t we do this as adults? No matter how far we have actually progressed, we feel like we have not made significant progress. Stop doing that to yourself! Every step forward is progress you should be proud of! Even when you do not feel or see the growth, it is happening. Celebrate your growth!

Hardships.

If you read “In a Dark Time” in its entirety, you noticed Theodore Roethke was making the same point I am making right now, hardships exist to make us better. That hurts to even think about. We have spent so many years looking at darkness and hardships as a negative when in reality, they are necessary for our growth. As I shared before, I will compare hardships to the weights in the gym. The gym is full of things that can either crush you or make you stronger. It all depends on your perspective. Just like hardships, gym equipment is designed to create micro tears in your muscles. Sounds scary and counterintuitive right? Maybe. Until we realize that our body heals those micro tears to make our muscles stronger and more resilient than they were before!

So shift your perspective! Those hardships may cause pain or “micro tears,” but you will become stronger because of it! I know it is hard to fathom, and it may seem impossible that you will become stronger as a result of the hardship(s) you are experiencing right now. But like Nelson Mandela once said, “it always seems impossible until it’s done.”

Time.

Why is it important to see, learn, grow, and develop while in darkness? Because it takes time to make it through. I have always been a fan of taking action and making the most out of every second we have here on Earth. As I said before, time is one of our most precious nonrenewable resources, so don’t waste it. Embrace where you are, and invest time learning more about yourself and growing those around you!

If you need a little help learning and/or teaching others how to make it through dark times, download my FREE #defeattheshadow Journal (and my other FREE resources) at https://parent-child-connect.com/free-resources/ today!

U.S. Marine Officer, mentor, and best-selling author, Olaolu Ogunyemi gives you tips on how to make it through these dark times.
Olaolu Ogunyemi: U.S. Marine | Mentor | Best-selling Author

If you enjoyed today’s post, head over to https://parent-child-connect.com/blog/ for more like this!

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Here’s why my teen believes limitations help us make wise decisions.

Brea and I have always encouraged our children to read a variety of books. On one hand, Brea was a huge reader growing up–choosing to spend time in the book mobile from the time it arrived until it departed. On the other hand, I enjoyed reading until I decided I wanted to rebel against my parents’ “reading time.” Although we had an entire library of interesting books to choose from in my home, I transformed my perspective on reading from “fun” to “forced.” That was just one of the many weird things I decided to rebel against during my preteen and early teen years. Thankfully, I matured (a little) and regained my love for reading by junior year of high school.

Our reading strategy.

As parents, we decided that reading would be one of our main priorities. Even so, we do our best not to order our children to read; instead, we create opportunities for them to enjoy quiet recreational time before bed. They usually write, color, read, or play with their toys quietly in their separate rooms during this “wind down” time. We found that each of them are more inclined to enjoy reading when they didn’t feel forced to read. With that in mind, we always try to strategically purchase books that align their interests with the values we teach in our home. Recently, I slightly deviated from this plan after I found and began reading the book, “Do Hard Things: A Teenage Rebellion Against Low Expectations” by Alex Harris and Brett Harris.

Honestly, I found this book on accident while looking for another book with a similar title. However, I knew this book was a great read for both me and my oldest daughter (recently turned 13) after I read the first four chapters! The irony is not lost on me that I–the prior rebellious teen–have handed my daughter a book about becoming a “rebellious teen.” Of course as the title reveals, the kind of rebellion I’m encouraging is against low expectations and harmful stereotypes. I encouraged my daughter to reflect on what she’s learning and how she can apply what she reads.

The elephant analogy.

Alex and Brett lead in with an “elephant” analogy I have heard and read several times. Similar to the “grasshopper in a jar” analogy, Alex and Brett explain that trained elephants are often restrained using only a small rope. As with every other time I’ve heard this analogy, I interpreted that I should not allow artificial or superficial constraints to limit my potential. I handed my daughter the book thinking that was the same message she’d receive. To my surprise, here’s what she wrote.:

Some people are like elephants; they are strong, smart, and hold potential, but sometimes they have to be held down by a rope. Elephants can escape from a small rope, but they have to be trusted to do what’s right.

Brilee (13)

Constraints vs Tethers.

My brand new teen daughter taught me a valuable lesson on perspective. Some of us view the proverbial rope as a constraint. This rope can and will stop us from achieving greatness. It makes us think less of ourselves and keeps us from achieving our true potential. Others, like my thirteen year-old daughter, view the rope as a tether.

I use the specific word “tether,” because it has multiple definitions. One definition in Merriam-Webster states, “a line (as of rope or chain) by which an animal is fastened so as to restrict its range of movement.” People like Brilee use the second definition: “a line to which someone or something is attached (as for security).” The easily recognizable difference between the two definitions is the connection’s purpose. One is used to restrict while the other is used to secure. To “secure” is to, “fix or attach (something) firmly so that it cannot be moved or lost.”

Bringing it all together

I’m so proud that I was able to learn a valuable lesson from my teen’s perspective of a well-known analogy! Many of us view the proverbial rope as a limitation. Even so, Brilee reminded us that it can be a firm connection to our values. Life presents so many obstacles that at times, we choose to take the easiest path. Unfortunately, the easiest path isn’t always the one that aligns with our values.

Brilee’s perspective is a gentle reminder that we must identify and commit to the principles that drive our daily decisions. We have to remember our purpose and allow our moral compass to direct our judgement. This is what will inform our decisions when we have the opportunity to cut corners or cheat.

Brilee, thank you for encouraging me to remain committed to my guiding principles regardless of how hard it may be!

Thanks for reading! Have a wonderful holiday weekend!