Tag: sacrifice

Posted on by — Leave a comment

Leadership Lessons from the Gridiron (Part 2): How to build a cohesive team.

College football is back! There is one team everyone is raving about: Colorado. The first game against TCU was an all-out brawl, but Colorado was the victor. Many headlines say that Colorado (the team that was projected to lose by at least 3 touchdowns) “shocked the world.” I believe that the cause of this “shock” wasn’t rooted in a pound-for-pound analysis of players on both sides. Rather, it was “shocking” to see how fast Coach Prime and his staff were able to build a cohesive team capable of withstanding the challenges that TCU presented throughout the game.

The new “Undisputed” co-star (and legend) Michael Irvin said it best.

I’m surprised at how that team kept fighting back…[with] 58 transfers coming in, that kind of union you have, that’s what surprised me the most. Every time TCU came back and scored, [Colorado] came back and scored again. That says that even though [Coach Prime] just got there, they are together.

“Undisputed” Co-star, Michael Irvin

Quick background

Coach Deion “Prime” Sanders was hired by Colorado in December 2022, and he immediately began a complete overhaul of the coaching staff and players. I’ve been following Coach Prime since he became the head coach at Jackson State University–a rival of my Alma Mater, Grambling State University. What piqued my interest was not only his ability to recruit talented players but his ability to build a cohesive team of people from disparate backgrounds and varying levels of experience.

Whether you believe the current press is baseless “hype” or documenting unprecedented success, Coach Prime has been building cohesive teams for years at the youth football and high school levels which, by his admission, is what prompted colleges to contact him. This fact alone warrants further analysis of his leadership style.

As I did in my original article titled, “Leadership Lessons from the Gridiron” about Coach Tony Dungy which was published in the Military Officers Association of America (MOAA) magazine, I will examine how leaders are able to learn from and apply fundamentals from another successful coach. In this case, we will specifically focus on how to build a cohesive team.

The thesis in my original article remains true.

Leaders must create a clear mission, communicate a compelling vision, influence culture, and encourage loyalty and faithfulness.

“Leadership Lessons from the Gridiron” MOAA Magazine

What is cohesion?

“Cohesion” is an extremely popular topic for leaders in all industries. I love the definitions that Oxford Languages provides. The first is, “the action or fact of forming a united whole.” The second is, “the sticking together of particles of the same substance.” I highlighted the key words (action, united whole, sticking together, and same substance) that create my definition of team cohesion. Building team cohesion is intentionally culturing an environment in which like-minded individuals collaboratively persevere to achieve a common goal.

7 Lessons learned from Coach Prime on how to build a cohesive team.

1. Establish and maintain a unifying belief system.

The first thing you should ask yourself is, “What are my team’s beliefs?” Establishing and maintaining a unified belief system is the only way to create a cohesive team. Coach Prime has probably said, “I believe” thousands of times. It’s a mantra for past and present players and fans. Along with the sub-beliefs (“core tenets”) Coach Prime highlights, “I believe” provides a single point that guides each player and staff member’s actions and goals. Unifying beliefs encourage each team member to fulfill his or her role in accomplishing the overall mission.

This “single point” also creates a bond that reminds team members that they are not alone and their actions impact the entire team. This works as long as each member remains oriented towards that single point. The below illustration of my “Unifying Belief Triangle” visually depicts this idea by placing the unifying beliefs at the top of the triangle. No matter where the little dancing team members are on the triangle, each member is dancing towards the unifying beliefs!

The Unifying Belief Triangle

2. Recruit the right people

What qualities do I look for in a leader? Someone that’s willing to do it in the dark and not just in the light…I just don’t want them to work out when everyone is watching. I want them to be a leader when no one’s looking.

Dick’s Sporting Goods interview with Coach Prime

Jim Collins got it right in his book Good to Great when he said, “first who, then what.” In other words, you have to recruit the right people and place them in key positions before you can attempt to lead your team towards successfully accomplishing the mission. Coach Prime highlights that he doesn’t simply search for talented players, he searches for the intangible qualities that align with his team’s belief system. The same is true for all leaders. A person’s talent may catch your eye, but you must develop a list of intangible qualities with which you’ll analyze how each aspiring recruit aligns with your belief system. If there’s a mismatch, move on. Mismatched team members break cohesiveness and detract from the overall mission.

3. Teach and mentor.

Continuing education and personal development is critical to retaining the right people. There are numerous videos of Coach Prime educating his team and “priming” them for life after football. I highlighted how continuing education creates successful organizations in “Culturing Success (Part 2): Developing healthy relationships.” Therein, I explain that prioritizing individual growth and development “encourages critical thinking and problem solving [and] instills confidence to take action.” These factors keep each team member sharp and strengthens trust in the other members’ abilities.

4. Total dedication: Sacrifice for the mission.

“The sacrifice must be greater than the gift.”

Coach Prime

Ask yourself and your team this: What will you give up to accomplish the mission? In an attempt to influence the culture, Coach Prime had a frank conversation with his staff upon arrival at Colorado. “It’s a spirit that’s riding in this facility that we gotta get out,” Coach Prime exclaimed. “And it’s not a spirit of success. It’s a spirit of losing and it’s a spirit of failure. You must be willing to give it all you’ve got while you’re here.” This challenge may seem brash to some, but this type of direct leadership is necessary to change a culture and unite a team.

The idea of “sacrificing” is rooted in our willingness to trade immediate and/or individual comfort for long-term success. It’s a selfless approach to achieving team goals, sometimes at the expense of personal goals. Sacrificing is about serving others and finding ways to make other team members better. Ultimately, we give something up (e.g. time, resources, etc.) to achieve the team’s assigned mission.

5. Enforce a standard.

There is a lot of leadership material that describes “the winning formula” to achieve success. I believe that the creators of these formulas are referring to the repeatable processes or “habits” that lead to success. As leaders, we should develop and enforce regulations that, if consistently followed, will lead to successful execution of the mission. These regulations establish clear character and performance standards that each team member must maintain to be productive members of the team. As leaders, we must enforce standards and encourage team members to hold each other accountable. Here is an example of the regulations Coach Prime laid out for his team while at Jackson State University.

  • Get 7-8 hours of sleep every night.
  • Eliminate distractions.
  • Show up prepared.
  • Be consistent.
  • Do your job.
  • Play with purpose, passion, and love.
  • Empty yourself (leave it all on the field).
  • Look in the mirror every day and ask yourself, “Did I give it all I have?” (Reflection).

What regulations will your team consistently enforce?

You don’t have to be great or successful to be consistent, but you need to be consistent to be great or successful.

Coach Prime

6. Create realistic training and challenge each other.

After his phenomenal game against TCU, Shedeur Sanders said, “I’m practicing against the best [cornerback] in the world…My margin of error against him is very small.” This is one of the best examples of why it’s important to create realistic training scenarios for your team. Humans rely on intuitive behavior when we are faced with pressure or an extreme shift in emotions. In my “Decision-making basics” article, I explain that improving our knowledge (continuing education) and experience (realistic training) improves our ability to orient on a problem and subsequently take action.

Thus, our role as leaders is to create a controlled environment where our team members can build this experience. This is where team members learn from failure and refine their skills. Inevitably, they begin to rely on each other for personal growth which, in turn, makes them want to challenge each other even more. Develop a plan to create realistic training scenarios and help your team refine their skills.

7. Maximize the moment and dominate.

Coach Deion “Prime” Sanders has always believed in maximizing the moment– whether it was capitalizing on a quarterback’s ill-timed (or ill-advised) throw, playing in a MLB world series, or choosing to take over a youth sports team when the coaching was inadequate. We all must lead and encourage our team to perform with that same gusto.

The “moment” I’m referring to isn’t just the next big game, project, training evolution, or deployment. It’s today. Ask yourself and encourage your team members to ask themselves, “What am I doing today to help my team achieve its goals?” Then ask each other the same question. Introspection and accountability fuel our ability to maximize each moment.

Don’t get stuck overanalyzing the situation or making excuses. Instead, dedicate every bit of your time, skills, and energy towards achieving your team’s goals. This attitude of total dedication and sacrifice throughout the team will ultimately create a cohesive unit determined to dominate every circumstance and opportunity.

Lead well and win!

Leadership Lessons from the Gridiron (Part 1)

My original article was published on September 8, 2022 in the MOAA Magazine. Super Bowl champion and Hall of Fame coach, Tony Dungy is the focal point. Click the image below to read the full article!

Leadership Lessons from the Gridiron
Posted on by — Leave a comment

Here’s how “emotional bank account” deposits help great leaders develop healthy relationships.

I have read numerous books about relationships and attended several relationship classes. Therein, I found one reoccurring metaphor: the emotional bank account. I first learned about this concept from one of my favorite authors, Dr. Stephen R. Covey, so this is an exciting topic for me! Before we dive too deep, let’s quickly define the “emotional bank account” for those who don’t know.

What is the emotional bank account?

Dr. Covey, the author of several great books to include The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families, creates a beautiful metaphor that aligns an emotional bank account to our relationship with others. He explains it like this: “By proactively doing things that build trust in a relationship, one makes ‘deposits.’ Conversely, by reactively doing things that decrease trust, one makes ‘withdrawals.’ The current ‘balance’ in the emotional bank account, will determine how well two people can communicate and problem-solve together.”

There is so much we can learn from this metaphor, so it will serve as the foundation of our discussion today. We’ll build upon this foundation by discussing how leaders can make deposits into others’ emotional bank accounts to build healthy relationships.

Whether we are leading a tumbling toddler, a superstar athlete, a company of marines, a church, or any other person or group of people, we all share one common imperative: we need to build healthy relationships to be effective leaders. I submit to you that the way to build those healthy relationships is to liberally deposit into the emotional bank account of those you lead. I’m going to break that account down into seven categories: love, compassion, peace, patience, knowledge, values, and redemption+restoration.

How great leaders apply the “emotional bank account” metaphor to their relationships.

Let’s start with “why.”

Why is it important for leaders to make daily deposits into others’ emotional bank accounts? Simply put, by overfilling the accounts of those we lead, we give them an abundance to share with others. These liberal deposits create a ripple affect; one healthy relationship begets another which begets another (and so on). This aligns with my belief that each of us can and should make a significant positive impact and leave a lasting legacy on the world around us. Our impact and legacy begins with our direct interaction with others, and it transcends generations as those we lead apply what they learn from us.

Now, let’s break down those categories.

1. Love.

“Love” is such a broad yet sublime virtue. It is also the root of the other six categories. Even so, love is often hard to define. In fact, Oxford languages defines love as, “an intense feeling of deep affection.” But what does that really mean? In my humble opinion, that definition does not truly encapsulate the powerful meaning of love. Since love often invokes a strong physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual response, I believe we need a more thorough definition.

Regardless of our theological belief, the Holy Bible provides one of the most universally accepted definitions of love.:

“Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.”

1 Corinthians 13:4‭-‬7 NLT

The foundation of “love” as described above highlights one’s willingness to sacrifice his or her life (time, service, ego, and emotional responses) for another. A continual, selfless sacrifice (love) for another is the most important daily deposit we can make as leaders! It is the foundational virtue from which all other categories stem.

2. Compassion.

I shared my thoughts on compassion in another great blog post “The Three Day Mental Health Guide: Major Payne Edition.” Here’s what I said: Compassion requires you to validate and value others’ thoughts, feelings, and emotions. Do not fall into the trap of saying, “it’s really not that big a deal.” Instead, allow others to share their feelings with you, so you become empathetic enough to have a strong desire to help. Don’t try to be “Mr. (or Mrs.) Fix It,” but at least express the desire to help! For example, someone once stole a very rare unicorn from my oldest daughter in an online game that she enjoyed playing. It seemed silly at first, but I realized this really hurt her feelings. So first, I had to verbally validate her feelings and emotions. Then, I shared the moment with her until she felt better. Simple but effective! 

Liberally depositing compassion instills confidence and a sense of loyalty in those you lead.

3. Peace.

Albert Einstein said it best, “Peace cannot be kept by force; it can only be achieved by understanding.” The “understanding” that Einstein is referring to is driven by the empathetic listening (compassion) that I mentioned above. Hopefully, you are starting to see how all of these categories intertwine. Without compassion, we are unable to maintain a peaceful environment. A peaceful environment begets a productive environment. This productivity leads to loyalty, confidence, and positive mental attitudes. Ultimately, a peaceful environment is one of the major keys to developing the synergy we require for relationships to thrive. That’s why we will park on this topic for a moment.

I personally view peace as “harmonious living.” Some view “harmonious living” as the absence of arguments and violence. With that in mind, we can deposit peace by simply avoiding the other person, right?! 👍🏾 Wrong! 👎🏾👎🏾 This passive method will only appear to work until you cross paths. Then the “peace” you thought you had will quickly disappear. Depositing peace into your relationships requires action.

Your overall objective is to create a culture of mutual respect and dignity. Here are a few tips:
  • Actively listen to understand, not to respond.
  • Become genuinely intrigued with the other person’s thoughts, interests, emotions, and hobbies.
  • Eliminate judgement (express a negative opinion from a moral high ground) while extending grace (undeserved kindness).
  • Be forgiving (seriously, let it go).
  • Enjoy the other person’s company and find a common ground (common interests).
  • Identify the value the other person brings to the table and create a safe/secure environment for them to grow, develop, and thrive.

4. Patience.

Here’s a little known fact about me and my brothers (and our close friends growing up): we all wanted to be music producers from Middle School through High School. We would go into our computer room, hop on the music studio software that came with the Windows 98 and XP Operating Systems, and record our own albums. I have been searching for some of our old work. It would be great blackmail material 😂. In one of the most infamous/hilarious songs that our buddies AJ and Nick created, they said, “Patience is a virtue. What you can’t wait on may hurt you.” At the time, they thought they created a hit… We thought they created a comical jingle. I never knew that little jingle would give me a profound revelation almost 20 years later. I subconsciously learned a lesson about the importance of patience. That lesson greatly contributes to my own philosophy.

I discussed that philosophy a bit in a previous great blog post “How to shift your perspective and live a better life TODAY!” Therein I asserted that similar to peace, patience requires action and we build our capacity to accept delay/troubles without frustration (patience) by hoping and anticipating that life’s situations will turn out just fine. That’s great for life in general, but how do we develop patience with others?

First, we must internalize this fact: we are all flawed human beings. We all make mistakes. Once we digest that, we must realize patience requires practice.

How to practice patience.:
  • Be attentive and avoid jumping to conclusions.
  • Practice waiting on others without getting frustrated.
  • Practice relaxation and breathing exercises when you feel like you are growing impatient.
  • Be more optimistic in any given circumstance. Identify the opportunities and progress instead of focusing on the “failures” and regression (although the latter may appear more blatant).

AJ and Nick had it right! Failure to deposit patience into our relationships can be detrimental or hurtful. Contrarily, patience deposits will help grow the healthy relationships we all want and need.

5. Knowledge.

I love the word “knowledge” because it describes the information we gain from both experience and education. Thereby, our job as leaders is to create an environment where those we lead have an opportunity to gain relevant experience and continued education.

Examples: For a parent, this may look like showing your child how to maintain a car while systematically teaching them the mechanics of a car. For a corporate leader, this may look like appointing a worker as “team lead” and sending him or her to certification training that will make them better at their job.

Creating this environment will pay dividends in the long run because it encourages critical thinking and problem solving, instills confidence to take action, and promotes continual growth and development. This all leads to a positive culture and an overall successful household, classroom, or organization.

6. Values.

Shared values are some of the most valuable currency we can deposit. See what I did there? Values are defined as, “a person’s principles or standards of behavior.” I believe our values guide our moral compass (i.e. a person’s determination of and subsequent action on what they deem right and wrong).

Here are some questions to think about:
  • What are your values? What do you stand for and/or believe in?
  • How do you decipher between right and wrong?
  • What values do you clearly and concisely teach?
  • What values do you consistently demonstrate?
  • How do you incorporate and enforce a shared value system?

Answering these questions and–more importantly–applying what you learn will help you develop shared values with those you lead which creates a collaborative spirit and informs daily decisions.

7. Redemption + Restoration.

One day, I was so disappointed. My oldest daughter did something (can’t remember what she did) that utterly frustrated and disappointed me. Accordingly, I administered the punishment I felt her wrongful act deserved. I believe I grounded her and restricted her electronic time for two weeks! She was heartbroken yet unapologetic, but I immediately mumbled to myself, “don’t do the crime if you can’t do the time!” Then, I probably beat on my chest and celebrated being a firm dad/leader.

Of course that celebratory moment was cut short. My dad/leader, who has an uncanny way of sensing when I have made or will make a mistake, contacted me. I gave him my version of what happened. He responded with a calmness that did not match my high emotions in that moment. He simply told me, “Ok. Make sure you give her an opportunity to redeem herself.”

I initially neither comprehended nor appreciated how profound his advice was. As time progressed and my emotions waned, my dad’s words began to sink in. I went back to my daughter and gave her an opportunity to correct her mistake. She was immediately remorseful and understood why what she did was wrong. That’s when it hit me.

She learned more from her restoration than my condemnation of her.

I’m proud to admit she’s always been a “daddy’s girl,” but that’s when I feel our relationship (and my relationship with my other two children) became even closer. That day, I learned a much-needed lesson as a father and leader, and all of the other categories began to make more sense. I had to sacrifice my previous beliefs, ego, and judgement to truly understand my daughter and provide her the leadership she needed in that moment. I accepted that she (and people in general) will make mistakes, and my dad helped me adjust my perspective to view each mistake as a learning opportunity and an opportunity to make decisions based upon a shared value system. As a result, my patience has grown, and I have made a concerted effort to create an environment of respect that allows those I lead to constantly grow and develop. I truly learned that liberal deposits produce healthy relationships.

Conclusion

Though it may seem like a daunting task at times, we have an obligation to invest in the emotional accounts of those we lead. Those investments will pay dividends as those we lead become leaders themselves and develop their own healthy relationships. Ultimately, our emotional deposits will create a lasting legacy for generations to come! Will you start depositing today?

Olaolu Ogunyemi: U.S. Marine Officer | Mentor | Best-selling Author
Posted on by — 2 Comments

Happy Birthday Brea!

I’m celebrating my wife’s birthday this entire week! Why? Because she deserves that and more.

I plan to discuss our origin story a little bit more on our ten-year anniversary later this year, but I believe this is an appropriate time to pause and publicly let Brea know how much I appreciate her support, love, and sacrifices! It’s been amazing to grow with her over the last ~11 years (that’s how long we’ve been an official couple).

Thank you for your sacrifices! (Even on your birthday)

In that short period, we have moved eight times across several different states to support my career. Though tearful because she has had to leave behind some great friends, she has continued to support and encourage me along the way. On top of all that, when I decided to finally pursue my dream of becoming an author, she did not skip a beat with her support!

Every single one of my adult accomplishments are because of Brea. Whether it’s keeping the children quiet so I can podcast or write, keeping the house running smoothly while I’m away, listening to my countless ideas, or any other daily thing she does, it has made me a better man.

This is YOUR week!

I could go on and on but I’ll summarize by saying, happy birthday my love! Cheers to many, many, maaaaaaany more years! 🥂

Posted on by — Leave a comment

Quick Parent Tip: Father’s Day Edition (Reblog)

Happy Father’s Day to all my Dads out there! We celebrate your accomplishments, sacrifices, and love today!

Let’s dive straight into today’s encouraging Quick Parent Tip for this Father’s Day weekend:

Fight for your family.

You are your family’s physical, mental, and spiritual protector. Embrace it. Fight for peace in your home and for your family’s unity and mental stability. Never stop fighting! You got this because you are not alone. I believe in you!

Accept responsibility.

You are responsible for everything that happens and fails to happen in your home. Let me be the first to tell you that this is both an honor and a burden. Regardless, keep pressing! Accept your responsibility willingly and take pride in being the leader of your home. Keep making decisions with your family’s best interest in mind.

Teach your family.

You are a great teacher and mentor for your family. You have the wisdom, knowledge, and experience to do it; just believe in yourself! Remember, more is caught than taught, so continue to set the example with your words and actions.

Hearing vs listening.

We all do it. We look up, see someone’s lips moving, and realize they have been talking to us the entire time. It’s ok. Next time, engage in active communication. Hearing is passive (i.e. your ears recognize a sound); however, listening is active. So be actively engaged in conversations today. Ask questions, nod along, mirror body language, and share the moment!

Elevate your perception of your contributions.

I know you are working your butt off, and oftentimes, it feels like it goes unnoticed. I want to encourage you to keep doing it. Your hard work, decisions, love, protection, and care are definitely making a difference. Even if no one else celebrates you this weekend, I am celebrating you right now! Great job brother! You are doing exactly what you need to be doing!

Relax and recover.

Take some time to focus on the positives–the great things you have done for your family! You have done (and continue to do) what many have turned away from. Rest well knowing that your impact is felt by more than those in your household. Society is indebted to you.

Thank you for your hard work, commitment, and sacrifices! Happy Father’s Day!

For those reading this who are not fathers, please take some time to thank a father this weekend. I promise you it means a lot!

Olaolu Ogunyemi: U.S. Marine Officer | Mentor | Best-selling Author
Posted on by — Leave a comment

A Message For the Fathers and/or Male Role Models: Thank You!

On the go? Listen to and share the audio version of “A Message For the Fathers and/or Male Role Models: Thank You!”

Happy Tuesday! I had a couple of heartening moments yesterday that I want to share as encouragement to the fathers and male role models out there. It started with my oldest daughter who told me how excited she was to share my website with her friends when given the opportunity in her Middle School class. Additionally, she received a perfect score on a writing assignment. When questioned about it, she said, “I must’ve gotten my writing skills from my dad.” It really warms my heart to see how much pride she takes in my work and accomplishments!

Later yesterday evening…

Later yesterday evening, my son had his first basketball playoff game. This is his first year playing basketball, but he has worked tirelessly to learn more and improve. His most significant improvement over the past few weeks has been his jump shot. To aide in this improvement, I showed him a hand placement trick to become more consistent and accurate. He immediately latched on to this advice and even taught a couple of his friends. So it made me proud to see him use this technique last night to score the most points he’s ever scored in a game. He made me more proud when said (after a loss), “I’m not really that sad because I scored. I can’t believe I scored all those points!”

Fathers and male role models, your actions may sometimes seem small, but your impact is eternal.

These occurrences may seem small, but they mean the world to me! Fathers and role models, it does not matter how “small” your similar stories may seem to others, it is huge for those you lead! So whether you are feeling like the best father/role model ever or you are feeling pretty down right now, you are doing an awesome job! Thank you for the sacrifices you make and for doing the “small” things that leave a lasting impact. You are awesome!

Even if you’re not a father/role model, do me a favor: find at least father and/or male role model and tell him, “you are doing a great job! Thank you!” Shake his hand, pound it, or give him a hug if you can. It will mean the world to him.

Have a great week!

Olaolu Ogunyemi, U.S. Marine | Mentor | Best-selling Author

https://www.parent-child-connect.com