I recently had a phenomenal conversation with Dr. Brian E Arnold on the “Journey to Freedom” podcast. We dove deep—from my journey as a Marine Officer to becoming an author and, most importantly, a father.
Whether you’re leading a corporate team, mentoring a young person, or guiding the next generation at home, the core principles of identity and leadership don’t change. I’ve messed it up plenty of times, but what I’ve learned is that the most transformative leadership often requires a counterintuitive approach.
Here are the five core principles from our discussion that are the foundation of everything I teach through Parent-Child-Connect (P2C):
1. My Identity is the Non-Negotiable Foundation
This is where everything starts. My journey shows that before I could define my future, I had to define myself (one of the foundational “Lead Last” principles).
When I chose to join the Marine Corps, many people around me saw the military as a “last resort.” But I had to buck that societal expectation. That choice, which felt more like a rebellious act of self-determination than an independent decision, was my first step in discovering my true identity. I had to plant my proverbial stake in the ground and say:
”I am the only one who can determine my future.”
For you, this means overcoming insecurity and challenging external pressures. You cannot be an effective leader for others—whether they are your employees or your children—if you are living by someone else’s definition of your success. We must first find our identity.
2. Master the ROI: Budget Your Time Like Your Money
You cannot pour from an empty vessel. We hear this all the time, but the fastest path to burnout in leadership and parenting is neglecting self-care because it “feels selfish.” I’m here to tell you that self-investment is a non-negotiable personal investment.
I recommend investing at least 10 minutes into each of the four categories every single morning. That’s just 40 minutes to set yourself up for success:
- Spiritual: Devotion and meditation.
- Mental: Reading a physical book or an audiobook (stop doing that, get that book off the shelf!).
- Physical: Exercise and fitness.
- Emotional: Clearing your mind and preparing for the day.
Actionable Tip: Track Your ROI. Time is a non-renewable resource. For one week, track your time without judgment. Compare where your time is being spent against your long-term goals. If your activities don’t align with your desired Return on Investment, it’s time to intentionally reallocate that time.
3. The ‘Lead Last’ Philosophy
My upcoming book, Lead Last, is built on a counterintuitive yet straightforward concept: Leadership is not always about being “out in front” or having the loudest voice.
In the Marine Corps, it takes humility and self-awareness to know when you need to be:
- Behind your team to push them forward.
- Beneath them to lift them up.
In parenting, the “Lead Last” philosophy means allowing my children to teach me the kind of leader they need to be. I remember trying to “fabricate fun” situations—like trying to do backbends with my daughter—and just missing the mark. But when I listened to her real needs, I created truly memorable moments of authentic connection. By practicing active listening and fostering an environment that encourages growth, I can serve my team and family effectively.
4. Be Intentional About Creating the Right Narrative
This is one of the most critical issues for the next generation. Children often live up to the narrative—positive or negative—that is created around them by society, through stereotypes, or even unintentionally by family members. We have to protect the narrative.
As a parent or a mentor, you are given the frame and foundation for that child. Genetics is not destiny. If we are not paying attention, a negative narrative is still being created in our homes by outside influences.
This is why I wrote books like Crow from the Shadow. They are conversation-starters designed to help a child identify and overcome their “shadow”—the people, places, or thoughts that tell them they “cannot be or cannot do.” The shadow is a person, a thing, or a place that tells the child who to be, how to go, and where to stay. Our job is to give them the tools to fight back.
5. Build a Community: The Power of Collective Ownership
The single greatest defense against negative influences and poor outcomes for the next generation is a committed community. Period.
I was raised by a village where older men took ownership of mentoring young people, regardless of whether they were their own children. This communal accountability provided guidance and support that is often missing today.
A Call to Action for All: We have to be willing to step in and do the work. If you see a child or a mentee struggling—whether you are a teacher, mentor, coach, or neighbor—don’t give up on them. Your intervention could be the positive influence that steers them toward freedom and away from a painful path.
Continue the Journey to Connection and Freedom
My conversation with Dr. B is a powerful reminder that the best way to lead others is to first commit to leading ourselves—with intention, purpose, and self-compassion.
- Watch the Full Interview: From Marine Corps Grit To Parent-Child Bonds: How Olaolu Built Leadership At Home And In Community
- Explore Our P2C Resources: Learn more about the “Lead Last” philosophy or pick up a copy of Crow from the Shadow or Billy Dipper’s Time to Shine to open up communication with your children today.
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