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Discipline: A U.S. Marine’s take on what it is and why we need it.

On the go? Listen to the audio version of “Discipline: A U.S. Marine’s take on what it is and why we need it!”

Whether you are a parent, teacher, mentor, or in any other leadership position, there is one thing that we all need: discipline! We need self-discipline and must demand discipline from those we lead (that includes our children).

The first image that pops in my head when I think of the word “discipline” is the iconic U.S. Marine Corps drill instructor. That’s partly because every drill instructor probably says the word a million times. In fact, one of the first things the senior drill instructor tells his or her recruits at Marine Corps Recruit Depot (aka “boot camp”) is, “Discipline and spirit are the hallmarks of a Marine. Each one of you can become a Marine if you develop discipline and spirit.” Although it would be the absolute worst time to ask, a recruit may be wondering, “Sir, what is discipline?” So that’s where I will begin.

My thoughts on discipline.

As a guy who grew up in the south, I have always heard, “spare the rod, spoil the child” or as Ms. Trunchbull said in Matilda, “My school is a model of discipline! Use the rod, beat the child, that’s my motto.” Both of these are a spin off of the biblical verse in Proverbs 13:24 that says, “Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him.”

I recognize that I probably just split my audience in two. One group’s pants just dropped as they ripped their belt from their waist and said, “that’s what I’m talking about!” The other is ready to just stop reading and give me a thumbs down. Either way, I am here to neither condemn nor endorse a particular disciplinary method. My goal is to simply provide my take on discipline. After you finish reading, I encourage you to research and develop disciplinary methods that will work for the people you are leading.

What is “discipline”:

My thoughts on discipline are a result of several things. First, my upbringing and life experiences as a U.S. Marine officer, parent, and mentor. Next, the books I’ve read like “Quiet Strength” by Tony Dungy , “How to Win Friends and Influence People” by Dale Carnegie, “It Worked for Me: In Life and Leadership” by Colin Powell, and many others. Most recently, I discussed discipline in my home Bible study group with other U.S. Marines (who happen to be special operators and fathers themselves).

Discipline is both a noun and a verb that is defined in numerous sources as “the practice of training people to obey rules or a code of behavior, using punishment to correct disobedience.” In verb form, there is an even more direct definition that says, “punish or rebuke (someone) formally for an offense.”

Seems pretty clear that discipline is all about training by applying painful consequences!

Before we commit to that logic, let’s take a look at the root of the word.

The word “discipline” is from the Latin word “discipulus,” meaning “pupil, learner.” “Discipulus” is also the source of a familiar English word “disciple” which means “one who accepts and assists in spreading the doctrines of another.” As you continue to follow the word “discipulus,” you will find it also produced the Latin word, “disciplīna” which means “teaching, instruction, branch of study, orderly conduct based on moral training.” Here’s where it gets interesting, “disciplīna” produced the Middle English word “discipline” which we have already defined. The interesting part is now the word “chastisement” or “punishment” was introduced in 13th century religious practices. To me, that means the word lost its purity over time as various teaching methods were introduced.

My countercultural belief.

Aside from quotes like Ms. Trunchbull’s in the early 1990s, you will hear quotes like “pain retains” when discussing discipline today. Even so, I submit that if we truly want to achieve the ultimate goal, which is for our followers to develop self-discipline, we must return to the root of the word. With that in mind, my belief can be summarized by the quote below.

Discipline is training and preparing, not chastising and punishing.

“But it worked for me!”

I will give a personal example below; however, I encourage you to do your own research on the relationship between punishment and training. Here are a few scholarly articles to get you started: “The dark side of families: Current family violence research,” “The role of maternal discipline and involvement in peer rejection and neglect,” “Discipline and deviance: physical punishment of children and violence and other crime in adulthood,” and “Moderate spanking: Model or deterrent of children’s aggression in the family?” 

I believe the above authors would agree that punishment creates immediate conformity, but again, the goal should be self-discipline, which is a long-term objective. I define self-discipline as the continued application of lessons learned regardless of the circumstance or level of supervision.

My personal example

Sometimes, immediate conformity is necessary. For example, my 3 year old was innocently wandering towards the street. I rushed over, physically stopped her, and sternly commanded, “do not go into the street!” After doing this three to four times, one would assume that discipline by physical means or punishment was achieved. To that, I’d agree. My daughter (the pupil) has learned that I am willing to use physical force to immediately stop her from walking into the street. Many leaders would stop there–assuming the child has received the appropriate instruction and has adequate discipline. The immediate question I would ask is, “what happens when Dad is not around?”

In this case, I needed instant conformity to stop my daughter from wandering into a dangerous situation to prevent a potentially fatal outcome. However, as the instructor who is looking to help the pupil develop discipline, my work does not stop there. I must help her accept my teachings by making it relevant to her. Then, and only then, has she achieved self-discipline. In this example, I showed her how fast the car is going and explained how dangerous it is to walk into the road. When we passed vehicle accidents, I showed her how people could get injured and how vehicles were ruined. Now, she corrects me if she doesn’t see me check both ways before crossing the road. Self-discipline has been achieved.

Effective discipline leads to self-discipline.

If discipline is training your followers to accept what you or your organization believe to be right, then (as I said before) self-discipline is the consistent application of these lessons regardless of the circumstance. For example, I wasn’t the best free throw shooter in high school. In fact, I shot around 65-70% accuracy. I remember the coach telling us, “free throws are FREE!” In other words, the free throw is the only uncontested shot in basketball.

Of course like many other teams, we ran for missed free throws. Though it helped me get in better shape, running had very little impact on my free throw shooting accuracy. What forced me to change was my realization that my poor free throw shooting could be the difference between a win and a loss. That realization encouraged me to practice. Many great free throw shooters will tell you that the secret to shooting more accurately is to do the same thing every time. That means from the way you wipe your sweat to the way you bend your legs to the way you breathe to the way you release the basketball. These factors (and more) contribute to your accuracy. My free throw shooting percentage significantly improved when I learned to consistently apply my coach’s shooting instructions. This is what developing discipline is all about–consistently applying instructions regardless of circumstances for your benefit and the benefit of the entire family or organization.

How to lead others to develop discipline.

I wouldn’t dare claim this is an all-encompassing list, but here are my thoughts on how you can lead others to develop discipline.

1. Set the example!

One of my favorite phrases is, “more is caught than taught.” In other words, people want to see their leaders practicing what they are teaching. Leaders must have self-discipline before they can discipline others.

2. It’s a team effort.

In case you haven’t realized it yet, you have an integral role in helping others develop self-discipline. I know Hollywood would have us believe that we can climb Mount Fuji shirtless to find ourselves and develop discipline, but that’s not reality. For example, U.S. Marine Corps drill instructors don’t allow recruits to just wander around for thirteen weeks until they find this mythical thing called “discipline.” The drill instructors lead the recruits on a physical, spiritual, mental, and emotional journey and allow them to graduate once they demonstrate self-discipline.

3. Repetition is key.

I elaborate on this in a previous blog post entitled “Establishing Winning Habits.” Therein, I said, “You are what you repeat.” Which means we have to teach our followers to practice applying the instructions we provide. That is the only way to influence habitual behavior.

4. Be consistent and persistent.

I have had the opportunity to peak behind the curtains at Marine Corps boot camp. From that experience, I can tell you that some recruits require longer than thirteen weeks to develop self-discipline. That means that some recruits graduate with a different company than they started with. However, as long as the recruit (pupil) refuses to give up, the team at the Marine Corps Recruit Depots will continue to lead that recruit. This same logic applies to any pupil. Everyone is different, so that means you may have to train them longer (or shorter) than you expected. Remain consistent and persistent in your teachings.

5. Reward and hold accountable.

There are numerous studies that conclude that living beings respond positively to being rewarded for doing well. But, we cannot ignore the other half of the equation–accountability. Celebrate successes and quickly correct deficiencies. That is the best way to ensure someone accepts your instructions.

6. Prioritize education and explain the “why.”

This is one of the most important factors to encourage others to accept your instructions. As a leader, telling your followers what to do is easy, but great leaders understand that educating followers by explaining the “why” is what allows the followers to consistently apply the teachings regardless of the circumstance. Help your followers understand why your instructions are relevant to the family or organization as a whole, and help your followers understand why your instructions are relevant to them individually.

    Summary.

    There are a few key points that I want you to take with you today. Self-discipline is the ultimate goal. That requires leaders to lead their followers on a journey towards developing self-discipline. Along this journey, it’s imperative that leaders research and develop disciplinary methods that will adequately contribute to the overall goal. In the end, discipline is what will ensure your family’s or organization’s success. It is up to you to instill that discipline.

    Thanks for reading! Have a great week!

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    What do you see?: It’s all about perspective

    Hello! I know some of you will click this expecting some form of optical illusion or a trivial search. I can assure you that I’m not trying to point your attention towards anything in particular. Instead, I want to introduce two kinds of people who differ based upon their perspective and why each is important.

    On the go? Listen to the audio version of “What do you see?: All about perspective!”

    Last weekend, my wife and I went to watch Kevin Hart in Raleigh, NC. (It’s a hilarious show by the way, but that’s not the point of this post). The pictures you see were taken from our viewpoint in our hotel room. One picture is what I immediately saw, and the other is what my wife immediately saw. While staring out of the window, I told her, “if you look down, you will be disappointed, but if you look up and out, you’ll see the beauty.” How romantic. Here I am spewing out a philosophical observation when we were supposed to be just taking in the view. She simply (and accurately) responded, “sounds like you have your next post.”

    She was right!

    At first thought, I thought I would discuss how important the “up-and-out” perspective was. Then something hit me: the “down-and-in” perspective is crucial to our success. So let’s talk about how both perspectives are mutually supporting.

    The “up-and-out” perspective

    You have probably heard this story, but I’ll share anyway! Sir Christopher Wren is the famous architect responsible for numerous reconstruction projects following the Great Fire in London in 1666. One of his most prolific masterpieces is the St Paul’s Cathedral. Legend has it that one day during construction, Christopher Wren observed three bricklayers hard at work. Christopher Wren posed a simple question to these three men, “What are you doing?” One bricklayer responded, “I’m a bricklayer. I’m working hard laying bricks to feed my family.” The second bricklayer responded, “I’m a builder. I’m building the walls of a church.” The third brick layer responded, “I’m a cathedral builder. I’m building a great cathedral to The Almighty.”

    This is when most of the self-help books and blogs stop to praise the latter of the three men. This man has the up-and-out perspective, and he understands the big picture. People like him can usually keep a positive attitude in the worst situations, because they can forecast a positive outcome. Conversely, they can warn you of impending danger regardless of how positive the current situation is. Can you understand why a large amount of self-help literature recommends this perspective? This person sounds awesome, right? Let’s check how this individual interacts with the “down-and-in” perspective.

    Interaction with the down-and-in perspective.

    Are you actually going to pretend you don’t see that literal pile of trash right there?

    Brea Ogunyemi

    I think this quote accurately captures the kind of conversation I have at least once a week with my wife (😂). The up-and-out perspective person needs this reminder. Because they can often accurately predict the future, they easily become unrealistic. In other words, if untethered, the up-and-out perspective person can set lofty and unachievable goals. Also, their constant positive attitude or sense of foreboding can become exhausting. Sometimes, they need the down-and-in perspective people to ground them and help them embrace the moment.

    Another important note is the up-and-out person often likes to document their thoughts (i.e. budgets, schedules, personnel tracking estimates, etc.) This can feel overwhelming to the down-and-in person and they’ll feel the up-and-out person is overbearing and too controlling.

    The “down-and-in” perspective

    This group of people represents the other two workers in our St Paul story. I always imagine that while Mr. Up-and-out is taking a break to lean on his shovel and admire his work, the down-and-in bricklayers keep working to meet the day’s timeline. They are all about doing the immediate work it takes to get the job done.

    Because they have the down-and-in perspective, they can usually identify immediate dangers or opportunities. They are also more apt to embrace the moment –whether positive or negative. Their perspective may initially seem brash or uncalled for, but it can help inform future decisions.

    Interaction with the other.

    I live in the future!

    Olaolu Ogunyemi

    This is another weekly quote from our conversations. Down-and-in perspective people can often seem like “Debbie Downers.” The down-and-in people usually provide valuable feedback that the up-and-out person may not immediately understand or appreciate. For example, by pointing out the dumpsters in the first picture, the down-and-in person will give the up-and-out person something to think about when choosing rooms in the future.

    To the up-and-out person, the down-and-in person seems to be shortsighted with no comprehension of or care for long-term initiatives. The #YOLO or Carpe Diem lifestyle with no future considerations makes the up-and-out person extremely uncomfortable. The up-and-out person feels the down-and-in person is too unorganized and solely focused on surviving the day. Thereby, the up-and-out person will (often unsuccessfully) urge the down-and-in person to understand how their daily actions contribute to the big picture.

    These perspectives are mutually supporting but not mutually exclusive

    Some of you may be thinking, “I’m a little bit of both.” Well, you’re right! Many of us find ourselves bouncing between these two perspectives. This is an important note as we fulfill our role in any team or relationship. We must constantly understand and adapt to the different perspectives to avoid the inevitable clash and work together to achieve common goals. If you are leading a team, you must constantly assess who’s who and find ways to incorporate each perspective to gain and maintain momentum on any given project.

    So who are you today?

    Picture yourself in that same hotel window with me and my wife. What do you see? And most importantly, how will you incorporate the alternate perspective? These are the questions I challenge you to think about throughout the week.

    Thanks for reading!

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    Chasing purpose is better than chasing success.

    Happy Monday folks! As with every move, we find ourselves settling in our new neighborhood and searching for a church home. During our church visit yesterday, the lead pastor at Catalyst Church talked about finding our purpose. His sermon resonated with me and sparked this motivational quote on success:

    Chasing success leads to disappointment. Chasing purpose leads to fulfillment.

    Olaolu Ogunyemi

    Allow me to use this metaphor to explain my thoughts: imagine you are a field goal kicker that your favorite football team recruited to kick long field goals. At practice, your coach pushes you hard to be the best you can be. As a part of his training regimen, he establishes a rule that he will move the field goal post back five yards each week. You attempt several kicks at every practice. After two months, you have found that your kicks have been consistently aligned yet five yards short of the field goal post.

    Think about it. You have been extremely disappointed for the last two months if you have been solely focused on successfully kicking the ball through the field goal post. I call this success oriented. However, if you have been focused on your purpose (kicking long field goals), you would be celebrating the fact that you have consistently improved by adding an additional thirty-five yards to your original kick. I call this purpose oriented.

    As goes life. We all have a reason for living that is greater than simply existing (purpose), and our daily actions either contribute to or detract from that purpose. We bring unique value and skills to those around us. Therefore, we can choose to obsess over achieving tangible results, or we can gain satisfaction in the daily pursuit of our purpose.

    Have a great week!

    Author’s note: I want to encourage you to live on purpose (what you do to maintain peak physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual health) while pursuing your purpose (your reason for being on this earth). I believe your purpose aligns with what inspires you. As I stated in “How to shift your perspective and live a better life TODAY!,” there are three quick questions to ask yourself to find what inspires you. The intersection of these answers will reveal your inspiration.:

    1. What activities, thoughts, or passions energize me?
    2. What are my greatest strengths?
    3. What value do I bring to those around me (hint: we all bring value to those around us)?

    Have a long-term focus and celebrate daily progress. You can do it!

    Olaolu Ogunyemi: U.S. Marine Officer| Mentor | Best-selling Author
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    Quick Parent Tip: Father’s Day Edition (Reblog)

    Happy Father’s Day to all my Dads out there! We celebrate your accomplishments, sacrifices, and love today!

    Let’s dive straight into today’s encouraging Quick Parent Tip for this Father’s Day weekend:

    Fight for your family.

    You are your family’s physical, mental, and spiritual protector. Embrace it. Fight for peace in your home and for your family’s unity and mental stability. Never stop fighting! You got this because you are not alone. I believe in you!

    Accept responsibility.

    You are responsible for everything that happens and fails to happen in your home. Let me be the first to tell you that this is both an honor and a burden. Regardless, keep pressing! Accept your responsibility willingly and take pride in being the leader of your home. Keep making decisions with your family’s best interest in mind.

    Teach your family.

    You are a great teacher and mentor for your family. You have the wisdom, knowledge, and experience to do it; just believe in yourself! Remember, more is caught than taught, so continue to set the example with your words and actions.

    Hearing vs listening.

    We all do it. We look up, see someone’s lips moving, and realize they have been talking to us the entire time. It’s ok. Next time, engage in active communication. Hearing is passive (i.e. your ears recognize a sound); however, listening is active. So be actively engaged in conversations today. Ask questions, nod along, mirror body language, and share the moment!

    Elevate your perception of your contributions.

    I know you are working your butt off, and oftentimes, it feels like it goes unnoticed. I want to encourage you to keep doing it. Your hard work, decisions, love, protection, and care are definitely making a difference. Even if no one else celebrates you this weekend, I am celebrating you right now! Great job brother! You are doing exactly what you need to be doing!

    Relax and recover.

    Take some time to focus on the positives–the great things you have done for your family! You have done (and continue to do) what many have turned away from. Rest well knowing that your impact is felt by more than those in your household. Society is indebted to you.

    Thank you for your hard work, commitment, and sacrifices! Happy Father’s Day!

    For those reading this who are not fathers, please take some time to thank a father this weekend. I promise you it means a lot!

    Olaolu Ogunyemi: U.S. Marine Officer | Mentor | Best-selling Author
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    I collaborated with Stand for the Silent to discuss how to build a trusting relationship! (Blog)

    Thanks to Stand for the Silent for sharing the virtual stage and allowing me to discuss how to build trusting relationships! Continue to lead, inspire, and give our children a voice.

    Olaolu Ogunyemi with Stand for the Silent: "How to build a trusting relationship with your children": 1. Authenticity 2. Transparency 3. Integrity 4. Consistency 5. Proficiency
    Click here to read the full article

    Here’s why I love Stand for the Silent:

    A group of high school students in Oklahoma City, OK started Stand for the Silent in 2010 after they heard the story of Kirk and Laura Smalley’s son, Ty Field- Smalley. Ty (11) took his own life after being suspended from school for retaliating against a bully who had been bullying him for over two years. The organization exists as a platform to allow Kirk and Laura to share their story, and offer education and tools that will prevent their tragedy from happening to another child and family. Kirk and Laura’s mission is to continue to change kids’ lives and bring awareness to bullying and the real devastation it causes.

    Since May 2010, Stand for the Silent has reached over 3,000,000 kids in almost 5,000 schools!

    Olaolu Ogunyemi: U.S. Marine Officer | Mentor | Best-selling Author

    Thanks for your support! Go check out standforthesilent.org and donate if you feel so inclined!

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    Command your thoughts: Three actionable steps to remove toxic thoughts!

    Anyone else ever find themselves constantly battling a barrage of reoccurring toxic thoughts? If you are anything like me, it sometimes feels like you are losing that battle. What’s worse? Our thought patterns (i.e. our habit of thinking in a particular way, using particular assumptions) drive our actions. So we find ourselves in what appears to be an infinite toxic loop: our toxic thoughts create toxic assumptions which inform toxic actions. It’s time to break out of that loop with these three steps: 

    Step 1: Create New Habits.

    As in any other part of our lives, habits are formed by repetition. For example, this morning, my wife asked me, “why are you going to the gym so early if you are not required to go to work until a little later?” To which the only logical explanation I had was, “it’s a habit.” It is so much of a habit that I wake up at the same time (or earlier) even without an alarm, and if I try to lie there in the mornings, my mind will start racing and my body will start aching. So I just get up. The same is true when bedtime comes; I can easily fall asleep mid-sentence/mid-thought! (Ask my frat brothers who would have me out all night partying during college 😅.) Take a second to think about a habit like this you’ve formed over the years. When did you start? Can you even remember? My mom tells me that I’ve been waking up and falling asleep early since I was a young child. As it was when I was a child, that sleep pattern or sleep habit is fueled by an anticipation of what tomorrow holds.

    This same logic applies to our thought patterns or mental habits. Whether we remember when the habits started or not, there is one thing that fuels these habits: our assumptions. In a previous post, I discussed my admiration for how our powerful brain gives us the ability to control our emotional responses. More specifically, I highlighted the cerebral cortex which, according to https://www.simplypsychology.org, the cerebral cortex “is the outer surface of the brain, [and it] is associated with higher level processes such as consciousness, thought, emotion, reasoning, language, and memory.” Many neuroscientists believe that our cerebral cortex “saves energy” by operating off of assumptions, and these assumptions are developed by our past experiences.

    Author’s note: Most people stop here because they conclude since they cannot change the past and the past develops assumptions and assumptions fuel mental habits, then their mental habits cannot be changed. That is a very logical conclusion… Buuuuuut keep reading.

    Keep reading below!

    We can create new experiences! Here are a few tips to get you started:

    • Become studious and an avid reader (audiobooks count!). Diversify your studies and reading beyond your craft. For example, my reading list spans from “The Kill Chain” by Christian Brose to “The Brain’s Way of Healing” by Norman Doidge, M.D. to “It’s Better Being a Bunny” by Marilyn Sadler. Broaden your horizons.
    • Watch different movies and documentaries. I am personally a huge fan of action & adventure and comedies; however, National Geographic and The History Channel are also two of my personal favorites.
    • Take a vacation or travel to a place you have never been (even if it’s only a couple of towns over).
    • Try new food. I love food, so any post I get to mention food is a plus for me! Again, broaden your horizons!
    • Listen to a variety of music. We all have our favorite genre, but remember, we are creating new experiences. Listen to different genres and international versions of your favorite genre.
    • Take an interest in writing. Write about what you see. Write about your fantasies. Create a journal to record your thoughts and emotions or a food log (my least favorite lol) to track what you eat. Write a book if you’d like (I did it and so can you)!

    All of these tips will work towards creating new experiences and ultimately developing new healthy mental habits.

    Step 2: Indulge in Fresh Thoughts and Ideas.

    Now that we have established a way to break our old habits through new experiences, we have to start programming our mind to think differently. In my studies of the Holy Bible, I found an excellent passage that universally applies to thought: “Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.” -Philippians 4:8 NLT.

    Let’s break this down to how it applies to life.

    • True: Let’s start by focusing on reality vs our perception of reality. One of the first cliches that comes to mind is, “perception is reality.” Wrong! Our perception is the lens through which we view life. (Sometimes our perception can be more like blinders than lenses). Similar to our assumptions, perceptions are based upon our experiences. Therefore, by creating new experiences, we are increasing our ability to see and understand reality through a clearer lens.
    • Honorable & Right: Despite what we may see on the news, I am a firm believer that mankind is inherently honorable (ethically and morally good). This thought inspires me to show goodwill and serve others, so I encourage others to think the same.
    • Pure: I love how Oxford Languages defines pure: “without any extraneous and unnecessary elements.” Sometimes our minds get so bogged down with negative things we consume on a daily basis. My recommendation is to be aware of the world around you, but don’t become consumed with the negative aspects of the world around you. My challenge for you is for every negative you read or witness, consume and meditate on at least two inspiring or positive things for balance.
    • Lovely & Admirable: Have you ever just stopped to take in the beauty of nature? I am a guy who loves warm weather; in fact, I have been frostbitten before, so cold weather and I are not best friends. Even so, I absolutely love a sunny day after fresh snowfall. Although the temperature may not be as warm as I’d prefer, I cannot help but walk outside, take in deep breaths of the cold, crisp, and seemingly filtered air, and smile as I see the sun glisten off of the sparkling snow. This is just one example of the peaceful places I have learned to admire and enjoy. What lovely things can you think of? Where do you go to find peace?
    • Excellent & Worthy of Praise: Think about the things you are grateful for. Even our worst situation is better than someone else’s best. If nothing else, you are alive and able to read this post. No matter how seemingly small or insignificant, celebrate every single win. You deserve to celebrate yourself, your accomplishments, and your life. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

    Step 3: Command your thoughts!

    If you have ever seen the movie “Cast Away,” you may remember the main character, Chuck Nolan (Tom Hanks),  floating on a makeshift vessel. This vessel had no steering wheel, sail, or any way to control or steer. Chuck was at the mercy of the sea–carrying him whichever direction it pleased. Is anybody willing to admit our thoughts are just like this? 🙋🏾‍♂️ Mine are! Sometimes my thoughts take me to a place of bliss, enjoyment, and peace; but more often than I’d like to admit, my thoughts take me back to the infinite loop I mentioned before if I let them. Sometimes following these negative thoughts seems adventurous and addictive, but I assure you they lead to a never ending cycle of toxic actions and behaviors. Therein lies my final piece of advice:

    Command your thoughts!

    1. Identify and write down your reoccurring negative thoughts. This is pretty simple: we cannot and will not get rid of what we cannot identify.
    2. Identify your triggers. What is causing your negative thoughts? Is it TV? Is it the people around you? Is it social media? Take some time away (at least 30 days) from your triggers to see if that helps you improve.
    3. Replace your thoughts with the thoughts we mentioned in Step 2: Fresh thoughts and ideas.

    If you are anything like me, you read blogs like this with skepticism. Well allow me to encourage you; I use these steps in my daily affairs, and I have seen a huge change in my mental health and overall enjoyment of life! Start applying these steps to command your thoughts today!

    Thanks for reading!

    Olaolu Ogunyemi: U.S. Marine Officer | Mentor | Best-selling author

    If you enjoyed this post, check out others just like it on my blog! https://parent-child-connect.com/blog

    Need more on how to command your thoughts?! Here you go!

    Deb Kartz’s Conquer Anxiety & Toxicity summit feature U.S. Marine & best-selling author, Olaolu Ogunyemi (Part 1)

    Deb Kartz’s Conquer Anxiety & Toxicity summit feature U.S. Marine & best-selling author, Olaolu Ogunyemi (Part 2)

    I also offer FREE resources here: https://parent-child-connect.com/free-resources

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    Quick Parent Tip: How To Build Trust As A Leader

    trust /trəst/: firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something. -Oxford Languages

    Hey parents, teachers, and mentors! We know trust is a must when it comes to leading, but do we all know how to build trust with our children? Let’s have a quick chat.

    I was recently thinking about a trip my family and I made to Sky Zone Trampoline Park to celebrate my oldest daughter’s birthday. This is one of my favorite ways to celebrate birthdays because it is fun for the entire family (and we are not on the hook for the after-party cleanup)! While there, my son–who is enamored by ninja warriors–decided to take on the Warp Wall (picture below). After a couple of tries, he made it to the top! There was only one problem; he miscalculated the distance between the Warp Wall and the pole to exit the obstacle.

    Courtesy of Google Images

    I instinctively told him, “alright son, go ahead and grab that pole and slide down.” I missed  the fact that he was clearly stuck–afraid that he would injure himself if he attempted to come down. I tried to coach him on how to safely dismount to no avail. After about two minutes of rough parenting (I was really struggling to get him down lol), I finally said, “just jump! I will catch you.” Surprisingly, he was more receptive to this idea. “Are you sure?” He responded. “Yes. Trust me.” He finally came down.

    In retrospect, I probably said about one hundred words in that long two minutes, but  “trust me” were the only two words I needed. My son’s trust in me caused his fears to decrease and his confidence increase. Trust is a powerful and vital tool for effective leaders. Here are five ways to build trust with your children.

    Five Ways To Build Trust

    1. Authenticity

    My generation would simply say, “do you, boo boo!” In other words, be who you are, not who you think others want you to be. On one hand, you do not want to broadcast every intricate detail of your personal and professional life. On the other hand, you do not want to give the perception that you are perfect. If you give that perception, you will inevitably build a tower of high expectations on a foundation of false hopes. Then, when you make a mistake, that foundation will shift and cause the tower to collapse. Be comfortable with the person in the mirror. That’s who your children want/need you to be.

    2. Transparency

    You need to have clear, open, and frequent communication with your children. They should never be surprised by your expectations or thoughts about them. Be completely honest by telling them how their unique skills contribute to your household’s success. Don’t be afraid to show emotion as you lather them in positive affirmations, but try to limit or completely eliminate your negative emotions while correcting them. Being transparent exposes your true motives, so let your children know you have their best interests at heart and prove it through your consistent actions. As I have said before, more is caught than taught.

    3. Integrity.

    According to Oxford Languages, integrity is “the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles; moral uprightness.” The key word is honesty. You should strive for your actions to be consistently honest and your decisions to be morally sound regardless of the circumstance. Why? Because your children are always watching! You cannot convince your children that you are transparent with them when your actions wreak of dishonesty and deceit. They would accurately assume your lack of integrity perforates every single aspect of your life–including your relationship with them. Be honest, make morally sound decisions, and consistently demonstrate integrity.

    4. Consistency.

    Here’s a general rule of thumb: whatever you do, follow through. Follow through on your promises, rewards, and discipline. Be organized, maintain structure, and be consistent with who you are (authentic), what you do (transparent), and how you do it (integrity). Be physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually present for your children. Always remember this: empty promises lead to shallow and untrustworthy relationships.

    5. Proficiency. 

    Some say, “knowledge is power,” but I believe applied knowledge is power! Nobody wants to follow a clueless leader. So we have to be continuous learners who simultaneously apply what we learn. Our children are counting on us to constantly learn more and refine our parenting and mentoring skills. Guess what? You are working on your proficiency right now by reading this, so kudos to you!

    Remembering and applying these five tips will undoubtedly enhance your relationship with your children and restore the power to those two words we discussed earlier: “trust me.” Have a great weekend, and I’ll see you next time!

    Author Olaolu Ogunyemi explains five ways to build trust with your children.
    Olaolu Ogunyemi: U.S. Marine Officer | Mentor | Best-selling Author

    Find more great articles like this on my blog: http://www.parent-child-connect.com/blog

    Did you know I offer FREE resources?! Check out http://www.parent-child-connect.com/free-resources

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    The “Billy Dipper’s Time to Shine” release!

    "Billy Dipper's Time to Shine" is scheduled to be released on February 16, 2022!
    Billy Dipper’s Time to Shine
    Posted on Leave a comment

    Update: Conquer Anxiety & Toxicity

    Proven techniques to help you reclaim your life. Get unstuck and thrive!

    Updated on July 24, 2022. Did you miss the Conquer Anxiety & Toxicity conference? No problem! Here are the videos!:

    Part 1
    Part 2

    Hello my friends! Imagine being able to stay in the comfort of your home listening to top experts giving you tools and strategies that are proven to conquer anxiety.

    Imagine your child’s future of success and resilience. Imagine you being able to feel confident within yourself. Now that’s invaluable! You can join “Conquer Anxiety & Toxicity” for FREE and gain access to live interviews from experts in the industry. Use this link to sign up!

    Not convinced you should attend yet? Here’s a little more background:

    My friend, Deb Kartz, asked me to help her lead a life-changing pre-recorded summit for parents and professionals to take a deeper look into Anxiety and how it can impact the lives of children, teens, and adults! Yes, anxiety is your body’s natural response to stress and helps us notice dangerous situations and focus our attention, so we stay safe. However, when anxiety starts to interfere with daily activities and routines, and you or your child feels nervous, panicky, or fearful on a regular basis, it is when you need to face those internal feelings.

    When you’re feeling anxious or having a panic attack, do you notice your palms get sweaty, and your heart feels like it’s going through your chest?

    Is your child glued to your hip and won’t sleep in their bed?

    What about your teen who makes all the excuses in the world not to go to school?

    Is this what you’re experiencing?

    Have you ever wondered what it would be like to reduce your anxiety so you can keep moving forward with confidence? Have you felt stuck and frustrated because your child is stuck in their emotions, feeling anxious, shy, or angry?

    If so, I have something mind-blowing to share with you, but you’ve got to act fast before it disappears!

    You’re invited to be a part of this amazing summit with expert speakers to help you get unstuck and receive the tools to make a difference in your life and your children. We are putting this pre-recorded summit on so you can get the tools and thrive with confidence.

    This event, “Conquer Anxiety & Toxicity,” will give new light and hope to moms, parents, caregivers, and professionals.

    Did you know Anxiety disorders are among the most common and most treatable mental health conditions that impact adults, children, and teens?

    Parents are uniquely positioned to help their children because children look up to their parents for reassurance and safety.

    The biggest misconception about anxiety is people think it should be avoided, which can cause adults and children to fall into a bigger trap and feel anxious, fearful, and angry.

    Conquer Anxiety & Toxicity” will open a new doorway so you will learn new ways to approach your anxiety and your children’s anxiety. With proven techniques, tools, and strategies, you will feel confident in yourself, and you will see your child grow with self-esteem and be resilient.

    This 21-Day summit aims to build awareness that anxiety is treatable. You will have new insight into dealing with your child’s stress and see when they are stuck in their emotions; you will be able to work through it together. You will gain confidence in yourself as a parent with anxiety. This 21-day pre-recorded summit is FULL of scientific studies backed with research that gives you the tools to get unstuck and flourish and help your child and loved ones who are suffering in silence with anxiety.

    My friend Deb Kartz is a Parent and Wellness Coach and creator of “Conquer Anxiety & Toxicity.” She wants to share this exclusive invitation for you to be fully immersed in your heart’s dream to go from feeling trapped inside your body to feeling confident within yourself and have your child flourish with self-esteem. Deb wants you to receive guidance from experts she hand-picked for their expertise in anxiety.

    Sign up here!

    Deb is a mother of three grown children who once lived a life of complete turmoil and trauma for over two decades. After years of research and education, she has been able to help her children through their trauma and transform her own life. Her passion is to educate and help others understand the importance of nature, nurture, and growth.

    Together with my friends and colleagues, I want to give you the encouragement and knowledge to get unstuck with your anxiety and be resilient to promote a nurturing, safe, engaging environment for your children. You will have the tools to encourage your children’s social, emotional, intellectual, and behavioral competencies! Don’t let anxiety take over. You have it in you to thrive; you just need the tools to break the cycle.

    I’ll be sharing my own methods on how you can conquer anxiety and toxicity! Anxiety and toxicity are just another way that sneaky “shadow” tries to creep into our life and our children’s lives. As my Amazon best-seller Crow From the Shadow says, “The Shadow is a person… or maybe a thing… or a place. The Shadow tells me who to be, how to go, and where to stay.” Not anymore! We are going to expose that sneaky shadow and kick ’em to the curb! Join us for FREE as we #defeattheshadow to conquer anxiety and toxicity!

    Olaolu Ogunyemi: U.S. Marine, mentor, Best-selling Author, and your expert on how to #defeattheshadow to conquer anxiety and toxicity!
    Olaolu Ogunyemi U.S. Marine | Mentor | Best-selling Author

    Invite a friend… or two… or one thousand (it’s up to you)! Just forward the link to whomever you’d like to invite!

    Posted on 1 Comment

    Concerned dads patrol high school, spate of fights suddenly end: ‘People started going to class’ | Fox News

    Concerned dads take action! Dads on Duty. Picture source: TMZ

    I saw this article, and I HAD TO share! This is exactly what my platform is all about; parents, teachers, and mentors coming together to guide and inspire our children. The concerned dads saw a need, and they took action!

    “Dads on Duty” is an exceptional concept, and I pray we replicate these kind of initiatives throughout the entire world. Well done gentlemen!

    Posted on Leave a comment

    Newest podcast interview for leaders!

    Olaolu Ogunyemi (right) pictured with podcast host J. Fuller!

    Leadership is all about sacrifice and ensuring the wellbeing of those you lead. Great leaders listen, learn, and adjust.

    Olaolu Ogunyemi

    I had a great chat on The Backfire Podcast with Jeff Fuller of #jfullerinterviews

    We talked about how spirituality impacts leadership, the benefit of listening to others, and more!

    Check it out below! 😁💪🏾

    YouTube: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=TI5z5YNlVwA

    Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/jeffrey.m.fuller.1/videos/191223356420104/

    Check out more of my podcast appearances at https://parent-child-connect.com/blog/public-appearances/